I guess this is one for the real aficionados, if you know you know if not…. well there’s better to come…
I am not a people person, I never have been I don’t like them and that’s where we are. There have been some rare occasions when somebody has cracked and prised their way into the darkness of my soul, they have never ended well probably because you are not really meant to be there.
Today, on the big island, they have placed my own ‘c’ word in the ground never to move again. That was never the plan, she was younger than me and was never supposed to leave first. The tattoo on my shoulder says ‘me carly she is half your age and twice as hot’ that was how it was.
Rarely has anyone had so much power over me, never has my life been so torn to pieces by a human being. To all of you that have read this far you know that I don’t lose control, it is not what I do. Few have ever held the power over me that she did, I’ve never loved anyone other than my children but she was close.
To those who followed my story during those years I can only say none of you know it all, not a single one of you. My descent and my decision making was seriously flawed. I honestly believed I could overcome the hurdles, I thought that what was happening was right. For those years I had a path and I didn’t realise I was not the strongest magnet. Those of you who stayed with me on that journey know who you are, my love for you will never end and if I was to count you on one hand I would have many fingers spare.
This is not a post critical of anyone other than me. I spent many years telling her that I was not a rock, I am not what you build stuff on I am hard work and I am pointless. I don’t save people (clearly) and, as a strong rule, I do not have my buttons pressed.
There will be stories being told tonight, some mundane some exciting and many sad. For me I shall reflect and, if you knew the weird crazy thing that we were I can only apologise. When I reflect on that time in my life there are many words that I would not normally use, it was a life that I would not normally live. In so very many ways I am horrified by that period in my life but… when we worked we rocked.
My life would never have been the same if we hadn’t found your Dad’s trampoline that night. My life wouldn’t have been the same without the chaos that you were. I wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t been us and I certainly wouldn’t be here right now if it hadn’t been for a night being chased by lunacy and calling in favours I may never have been owed.
You cost me more than the rancid thing I married, you loved me more than anyone .. your playbook was strange, you hated not ruling. Patience was never your virtue, sleep well lady your time here was never anything less than full on.
Rest easy now, you have done your time and what happened in your life is more than a hundred years of ours. Your marks will never leave me, I will never change them or alter them our time was …our time.
Rest in perpetual nuisance me pebbles, that’s how it should be