I arrived slightly early to Stratford today and since, for reasons known only to London Underground, I have to fob out of the station and mainline ticket back in so I wandered into Westfield.
Now as a fella I don’t get excited by Westfield, I wouldn’t say that I get terrorised by it either I just generally dislike shopping and therefore shopping centres. In fella style I had to have a single and defined target and this was Boots the chemist where I would purchase a softer hair brush as recommended by Jo who is number 1 advisor on such matters.
Alas no luck with the hairbrush which is rather odd since in this instance I could picture the part that I was trying to find, which normally helps. Whilst I was there I decided to consider the hair repair options available to fortify, nourish and all that other stuff.
Have you seen how much of that stuff there is? It stretches further than my 20/20 vision can see, row upon row of eye catching brightly coloured bottles, it was enough to make me giddy. So how does one select the appropriate product if you don’t have years of experience being a girl? Well Jo is a fan of Elvive so we headed to that general area, having been mildly distracted by some claims to be an Australian miracle which I guess is getting water out of sand? Not quite sure how that helps with hair but anyway..
So safely into the Elvive section and blindly believing that Jo’s faith in the brand is based on more than liking the advert, after all she has girl knowledge, but oh no it couldn’t be that simple could it? There are hundreds of bottles of different recipes and colours and oh so many different promises, how on earth can this be so complicated? But then a small corner of my brain remembered that I am a man, probably triggered by the discomfort of spending so much time around hair products, and spotted black bottles!
Think sports cars, think my wardrobe, black is a good colour and so it must be the flavour I need and low and behold by the mysterious power that is a male mind trapped in Boots I had discovered the right thing! The stuff has Arginine in it and everything, we all need Arginine after all in fact I think it’s one of your 5 a day.
Think that’s it? Now I have braved the scary hair isle, found a needle in that colourful haystack, you think I’m done? Well the guys think I’m done and have enough time to go and buy a gadget and the girls think I’m done because they have assumed I have girl knowledge now that I have cracked the code but no there’s yet more to decide!
Conditioner or 60 second conditioner? Protect serum, leave in spray, intense nourish? There must be 8 products in the range! Does the product help? You know a quick table so you can check what you need? Of course not because girls just know and lads just don’t venture this far, the back of the products is even written in girl! “For even more care use the complete range” what all of it? Every last sodding bottle? My hands will be too soft to shake and I would have to get an environmental licence for rinsing that many chemicals* down the drain!
So I settled, without any real understanding, on the leave in stuff (had a cool nozzle guard) and the 60 s conditioner **
I scurried out of there as fast as I could and in fairness have been rewarded with a well done from Jo so must have done fairly well I think, not only to have survived the minefield but to have actually purchased products that make girl sense!
* by chemicals I obviously meant enriched nourishment and amino acids, although I’m not sure that the fish will be that discerning they will certainly smell great
**actually I had a pang of insecurity when I left physio and dropped into the supermarket to get a matching shampoo after all its all about the extra care