Let me start this post by pointing out that this, what you see every day, is my happy face. I know, because you tell me, that I look variously miserable, angry or broody but the truth is that this is me at my happiest.
I needed to point that out because tonight has involved good meaning people offering or trying to set me up with their friends. This whole idea is based on a myth. some bullshit fed to us as kids that we are better as a couple or that some other person offers us a reason to drive on, utter rubbish of course. Now every persons friend is ‘different’ but of course they would say that because they, quite rightly, love their friends.
So today, again, I pointed out that I am 45 years of age and in those years I have met several ‘different’ girls/women’ but the one stable thing is the result, this boy does not do well at relationships. In short I am an a**ehole, I don’t try to be, don’t set out to be, but I am it’s just who I am. I won’t cheat on you or treat you badly, I will do all that I can but what I offer will never be, and has never been, enough. The thing is that, at 45, I am cool with that. Your friend may be the nicest person on earth but I can make her into a demon hell I could turn an angel into satan.
It is not intentional, I don’t set out to do it and I guess that I would rather it didn’t happen but it is one of the few reliable skills that I have. See your daughter, your sister, your ex? I can turn them into utter ar**holes, every one a winner. I can’t hit a coconut at a shy but I could turn a nun into a right dick, it’s what I do.
So if you think I am great and you think I am just what your friend needs then think on after all she is your friend not mine. I will make her hate me, you will wonder both how that happened and why you were involved. The truth is that being single suits some of us, probably most of us, and some of us are so driven that it is only us that can be with us. I don’t mean this as some ego trip, I hate me, there is genuinely nothing in or about me that I like but, unlike the rest of you, I am stuck with me and I have learned to live with who I am.
Being single is not a bad thing and, in some cases, it’s a humanitarian thing because you don’t need me ruining more people it’s just not fair on those of you that feel some odd need to have a partner (good luck with that)