Today’s rant of the day is
shitripadvisor and yes I am aware that it has featured in previous rants thank you.
Let us commence by establishing what this ‘service’ is. It provides a means for people to share their own reviews of a business and this is a key point since the reviews are not owned by the business the business has no real rights over them or, critically in my opinion, ability to reject them.
So the latest review to grind my gears is a 1 star rating which is as low as you can go. Obviously these people had a terrible time, presumably their beer was rancid, the temperature was wrong and they got splinters from the furniture that were so bad that they required surgery? Well so you would think but then you, and I , would be wrong. In fact the reason for this terrible rating was …….. I don’t serve food. Hang on a minute I am a f*cking pub! I do not purport to provide a dining experience nor do I advertise one.
How does the failure to provide a service result in one star? If I visit the bakery down the road can I provide one star because there were no hookers available? Can Johnny rate me one star because I don’t sell wallpaper? How ridiculous is this? So I went for walk and was a little peckish, I popped into the bookies, well one star all around because those bastards don’t do bacon rolls!
This is beyond ludicrous and how does one respond? I penned a quick response:
“I am very sorry that the Plough did not meet your expectations on this occasion. Could I suggest that next time you open your f*cking eyes and check for clues you bastard cretin”
I thought that was a little harsh so tried again:
“Could I suggest that you obtain a copy of the island guide which is produced annually and makes no mention of food at the Plough. I am sure that you have a copy but the later ones are now in colour and show prices in decimal”
This still seemed overly angry so I looked again:
“I am sorry that on this occasion the Plough did not meet your needs which were, presumably, based on memories from previous visits. Could you please tell me if you liked the rest of the island and approved of the absence of steam trains and horse and carts!”
Of course none of these made it to ‘print’ because you just can’t do that. Instead I published a wishy-washy apology for any ‘misunderstanding’. This doesn’t change the rating though, the prick who chose one star is responsible for it, he owns it, and it remains a lonely star, a solitary blot on my review landscape.
What is doubly irritating, for both Nick and myself, is that we go to great lengths to explain where somebody can get food we don’t just say “no”. So not only did this half wit give the pub an , unjustified, appalling rating but he did it with a full belly from one of the many local establishments that we recommend. We fed you, we actually ensured that you were given sustenance and not left for dead on the beach to become a feast for the seagulls and this is how you repay us.
Of course we don’t take this sort of thing personally, we get loads of great reviews and one idiot cannot spoil that. But if you were in the pub a few weeks ago and spotted me and Nick stroking beards and looking into space it may just be that we were contemplating just who to exact revenge upon…..