Is it just me or perhaps my lifestyle that means I have reverse psychology when food shopping? I spent my time at work this week convinced that the weekend held hot sausage sandwiches. I have no idea why but I was convinced. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and brought milk…. I looked at various sausages but they just didn’t do it for me. It’s not a laziness thing, I love to cook, I just get incredibly uninterested in food when its in a store. I can plan elaborate meals and delicacies but when faced with shopping its so uninspiring.
I did think that it was the absence of a freezer but its not that, it is the shopping experience. I know exactly what I need to cook a meal, not just a sausage sandwich, but can’t face purchasing. It’s not a financial issue, I just seem to consume every calorie in every pack just by seeing it and then I’m too full to consider food. It really is the oddest reverse psychology. They tell us that shopping when hungry is bad because we over purchase, I guess like being drunk. My hunger dies at the sight of food in a store, the more I look at the more bloated I feel when I leave. The difficulty with this is that when the hunger returns the cupboards are empty. It is the same with all of the ready meals that we are meant to drawl over, I just see processed fat.
Whilst I am clearing out oddities with food, does anyone else get freaked by some sounds? I think it is time spent in the food industry. Knowing how critical crunch is in selling some foods, it has twisted my view. I can honestly cook a meal get two mouthfuls in and be so disgusted by the noise of eating it that it has to be discarded. The thing with noise is its a perception so its not one meal, its a meal at a point in time. I can eat pizza happily but then one day it will just sound like some animal chewing through congealed fat and that’s it, trash can calling. Now I am a man, I am not overly concerned with weight and I am sensible enough to know how a healthy diet works, so why?
I lived for ten years with anorexics, my ex wife was sectioned because the issue grew that serious. But I recognised it, I dealt with it and I didn’t think it had affected me, in fact I am sure it hasn’t. I see no logical reason why I have this odd relationship with food and I am acutely aware right now of some of the audience of the blog. I am not an unhealthy weight, I don’t eat particularly badly but I just don’t eat like I should. I guess part of it is waste, the issue that when I buy anything then there is only me to consume it but that doesn’t explain it properly. It is almost like I know that there is a mass of fat in food, I know that I like eating and I know that combination is unlikely to be good in the long term. There is a battle between the voice of my mother in my ear telling me to ‘clear my plate’ and me hating feeling full. There really is nothing I hate more than to feel stuffed, I like curry but hate eating it for the horrible bloated feeling in the morning. The best morning for me follows an evening meal of health shake, just that and I wake up energised and happy. The more calories in at night the worse the morning is.
As for the noise thing, I really don’t know. Perhaps I see it as an audible indication of the garbage that I am eating? But it can’t be that because it seems just a random thing, random foods and random times. The only thing that has got me through some restaurant meals is my sheer bloody mindedness and refusal to be beaten.
Why did I chose today to share? I have visited both grocery stores in town and still purchased no food, that was two separate visits as well. I am going to the pub later to discuss funeral arrangements for our Laney and I know I will be home later hungry. Hey it’s my blog and my weirdness gets recorded here, feel free to tell me its normal.