Grubby and abused but not beaten

I have concluded that those of us that live on the coast have a differently calibrated barometer. Apparently we managed only 68 MPH winds yesterday while highs of 99 were recorded on the Isle. Such winds offer no challenge to those of us that live with an east coast wind it’s just another blowy day. Walking to the station I realised that it is not just the human stalwarts that shrug off the wind, the buildings do as well.

As I walked past the older buildings I saw no more than the odd jaunty angled television aerial. All very much a case of ‘nothing to see here’. But as I approached the pier I noticed odd pieces of felt and roof tiles littered amongst the bushes. The relatively recent flats had lost several pieces of roof. Like poorly prepared visitors they had not faired well against a mild storm. The roofs will now be repaired to a better standard and over time they will grow to withstand the environment. Sometimes the work will be too much and required too often and these buildings will lose the fight, when that happens the old buildings of town will watch in stoic silence as the newcomers depart.

As I walked past the development that surrounds the old pier hotel I thought again about our lamentable failure to secure a history for the next generation. The pier hotel was a marvellous building in its day and has had various uses since. Having closed it’s doors to the public the building was left to rot until a planning application was received to develop it. In what was either a travesty or outright corruption the morons that we charge to look after planning approved the development. Phase one of the development was to build new flats around the old building, phase two provided new public toilets to release more of the footprint and phase three redeveloped the original building for domestic use.

Phase one and two were completed before the shell company set up by the developers folded. Who could have seen that coming? The easy construction work completed and the quick profits realised the complicated task of sympathetically developing the old hotel was never tackled. To allow the building to have been raped like this is symptomatic of the lack of a reasoned planning policy. Development has to happen, of course it does, but why is it approached with such naivety? When a developer chooses to take a profit from part of a development then it is easy to control this and negligent not to. An arrangement should be made that profits are held in escrow until the task is complete, where the development fails the funds to be used to complete the original works.

In the meantime this building, and so many others, sits patiently waiting for some benefactor to see its beauty. Surrounded by an inappropriate development that has drained it of much needed commercial value the building retains a shabby elegance. On a morning like this morning I like to think that there is a sly smirk hidden in the grimy windows. Not a tile has shifted on the neglected beauty but it stands surrounded by roofing material stripped from the invading neighbours. Even nature seems to have more respect for our history than we do.

Rude inclusions and the winter wash

For those that don’t live in the luxury of such close proximity to the sea allow me to share some of the ocean’s majesty. Last weekend I was looking out over a mill pond calm ocean at this time, so flat it looked like you could walk on it. At the end of this week the east coast has had a wintry turn and there is nothing that reminds you of the strength of the ocean better than a windy day. Despite being a sun lover I watched enthralled as the ocean was whipped into a viscous and unforgiving frenzy last night.

Near horizontal winds howling along the front gave the perfect opportunity to meet neighbours in the alleys and side roads that criss-cross the town. The brown, foaming waves spent the night smashing over the promenade, tearing at mans rude inclusion in their path. For me this mornings view is the first one of winter. There are no tourists on the beach, indeed no people at all since the dog walkers have not yet ventured out. The sand that is so gently lapped by summer seas is now bright and clean. Like some great industrial washing machine the ocean has hurled all of the beach around in a maelstrom of rage and cleaned every trace of the summer.

It is like nature is washing off the grime of the summer and refreshing itself. The sun is breaking over a much calmer see and there is little witness of the fury which whipped such waves up overnight. But there in the middle of the beach, as if to warn us of its power, the ocean has deposited an enormous tree root. This is not the driftwood that you see in shops this is the root of some great tree. I like to think that, like a tired mother, this is natures way of telling us that if she ‘has to clean our room one more time’.

I apologise for this line which will mean little to most of you but is important nonetheless. Today’s value is 4363 because I slowed at the end of the week discipline, it would seem, is a must.

If ownly Chewy was there

You will recall, from previous posts, that a regular colleague at the hotel is Barrie. For those that don’t know him, a rough description, think combination of 60’s porn star and grubby Ewok. Following many insane debates, as is always the way with Barrie we settled on the French. Barrie you see is going to France to buy tobacco at the weekend. Barrie hates the french like you can’t imagine so giving them his tax £ rather than the UK seems rather odd.

It is rather good sport to keep Barrie’s debates raging for a while because he generally retires after dinner. But sometimes, as was the case last night, we push too hard. As Dave and myself returned to the bar Barrie paced on the phone like a stalking, overweight, aged tiger with a utility belt and a smokers cough. Eventually the drew in close and sidled up to the bar. It is here that you see the years of working together, the bond and knowledge, best deployed.

It was ‘cocktail night’ and Dave suggested that Barrie participated. An immediate rejection, to those that spend so much time together, is not fatal. You simply need to know what buttons to press, and we do. “you’ll get your discount” and we are there, the reward of a discount far outweighs any loss in the purchase after all. Discount negotiated Barrie selected first choice and it was duly mixed.

Now we all know that cocktails taste like soft drinks but kick like a mule, ok most of us know. Consumed in less than 2 minutes Barrie discovered the cherry (raspberry) and olive (blackberry). But, like a monkey in a cage he couldn’t quite fathom how to reach his treat. Desperate sucking on a straw wouldn’t tease it out and the cocktail stirrer was a poor spoon. We hit upon two stirrers as chopsticks and, after some practice, the ‘free’ fruit was dutifully consumed. Interestingly and perhaps tellingly there was no surprise at the actual fruits over the expected ones.

We are not quite sure how we persuaded Barrie to sample a second and definitely not a third but he did. We discovered, half way through number three, that there was a training gap. Apparently our bar staff had not been told to use a splash and was dutifully tipping full measures of every constituent spirit. Half way through number three Barrie stopped, swayed, clung to the bar and declared ‘their stronger than you think’.

The walk outside for a smoke was an interesting and entertaining assault course. And the head this morning indicated he had a lesson to learn. What is that made me us laugh so much last night? Its the character, Barrie can’t handle his beer but his nose for a discount won’t let him miss out, despite its overall cost. That on its own is funny but if you know him its funnier. Sitting on a summer evening with an ageing, Ewok porn star from the 60’s. Resplendent in winter work coat, every pocket stuffed with complimentary pens, as he sucks a cocktail down a straw.

Watching as words start to fail him, the glow takes over and he tells you that the pins and needles are starting. Laughing as he stabs his eye with a straw whilst trying to suck a stirrer. Just watching Barrie disintegrate under fruity cocktails. That’s enough to get a laugh out of those that know him, more so those that live our odd lives with him.

As a footnote, nobody was actually hurt during the making of this story. I know its frowned upon to tease animals or children but thank god Ewoks are excluded.

Musclemen and Princesses

Some images are made to make us laugh, if they serve another purpose then I am not aware of it. In my office a couple of the lads indulge in protein shakes before their weekly football match, you know the stuff beloved by body-builders. These are not particularly big guys but they understand the benefit of protein in muscle building and recovery times so they keep a big pot under the desk.

Having mixed up his shake Collin replaced the lid before remembering that Tony would need the pot, but he couldn’t get the lid off. I struggled to hold myself together watching first one then both of them straining to remove the screw on lid. This is not a complicated mechanical arrangements, there is barely one complete thread, but try as they might they could not remove the lid. Helpful suggestions such as ‘perhaps you should drink it first’ did not help. The battered tub bearing the legend ‘improves strength’ would have made a brilliant advert coupled with the two grown adults cheated by the lid.

The solution? Of course an older colleague, not renowned for his sprightly step, simply spun the lid off.

From the hotel I offer you this story. I listened to a crowd of children racing between hotel rooms noisily last night, hoping that they were having early nights. As I went to leave the room I ripped the door open expecting to hear the shriek of surprise from the young children. The door to the room opposite was wide open and a young girl of 6 or 7 bowed slightly and loudly proclaimed ‘hello Mr’, I responded with a hello and was asked ‘how are you?’ followed by ‘its been an absolute pleasure to meet you, but I must be going’ a small flourish of a bow and the door closed.

I could just hear the stressed mother demanding her daughter returned from the door and stopped disturbing people. What a gem, I am sure she is hard work to live with but mum, your daughter gave me a smile.