Robotic chameleon love

I should start this post by saying that I have never claimed to be normal and nor would I after all I am not delusional. There are a number of things that have recently made me reflect on life and I thought them worthy of a share.

The first was a recent visit which reminded me just how much the publican has taken over the man. I have written many times about my view on those of us who endure this trade and I remain convinced that my opinion has legs. On further reflection though I think that in my case there is something more to it, it is more than a means of hiding.

My chameleon like personality means that even I don’t know who Gav is, I have no idea what he likes or what he would do with spare time he is , in short, a stranger. What I do know, and I am acutely aware of when I am around old friends, is that publican Gav is his mask. Publican Gav has many of the skills that I don’t think Gav has, a gregarious personality is not something that you would ever associate with the Gav that I know.

Next on the list is a common mistake, I am NOT human. I am not just driven I am a machine but, like a machine, there is no end goal. Many people talk about holidays and when I will take my foot off the gas but the truth is that I can see neither event and it doesn’t concern me. My mission is to continue, to power through, to overcome the hurdles and to just keep on trucking, it always has been. Those who think that I have achieved a life goal by being in the pub misunderstand me or perhaps they are simply trying to humanise me. I love the pub and always aspired to be here but that does not make it some goal that I was working to or some achievement it is simply another fork in the road that I walk. Similarly, now that I am here, there is no plan, no end where I retire or slow down there is just another set of challenges and another ‘to do’ list.

I have good friends who worry about me burning out and I have others who know me well enough to know that it simply is not a possibility, like the terminator I will just keep on coming. I don’t have the pressures of a life behind this, what you see is all that there is so there is nothing to balance and therefore no stress when it doesn’t balance.

Finally, and I guess somewhat inevitably, there is my ‘status’ I am after all single. Again this is an area where friends think that they can help or offer advice and they all have a script in their mind. Let me be clear on this point, well as clear as I can be, if the only time that I hear the ‘love’ word is from my children and some random drunks at closing then I am happy, really truly I am. I have no need for company, companionship, loving, god or the Easter bunny they are all made up.

I guess that I am what I am, I take some getting used to and I am far from everyone’s cup of tea but it never hurt Marmite did it?

 

 

You know when……

Some time ago I published a quick list of things that mean that you know that you are a publican, it seems pertinent to update that list. This is not a generic list it is now a list of things that mean that you are the landlord of the Plough. Every line of this list assumes the starting line “you know that you are the landlord of the Plough when….”

• You write a blog post at well gone midnight rather than do what you need to be doing
• People who you barely know bring you dinner
• A quiet week amounts to 130 hours
• A 130 hour week seems easy
• A trip to the Co-op is considered an outing
• Your customers feel the need to approve your choice of girlfriend
• A text at midnight asking you to send money to somebodies child is considered normal
• You spend every moment of your life smelling of beer
• Playing cellar jenga to get the stock in makes you beam with pride
• You go to sleep, and wake up, thinking about beer (in fairness this one is shared with alcoholics)
• Providing technical services is just one of those things that you do
• You can speak spangalese fluently
• You spend more time worrying about how your customers will get on with your staff than how your staff will get on with the pub
• You sometimes look at the pub and wonder how it puts up with you
• You just know who is ‘right’ for the pub
• You think that having somebody serve you a drink is the height of sophistication and can only just remember the last time that it happened (Cheers H)
• Arguing with Henry the hoover can be your only sane conversation in 24 hours
• You can earn less than a paper round and be happier than a millionaire
• ‘You cant walk him home, he can’t stand and you can’t walk’ is a phrase that feels natural
• You feel more comfortable here than you have ever felt in your life despite that fact that the business is consuming your very soul
• Every living moment is owned by the Plough
• Every time somebody says that they like the pub or have had a great time you grin like a first time father
• You no longer have a status as a person only as a landlord – and that make you happy

There is more to come but since I started this post two days ago it will have to wait.

From the front, well somewhere near there anyway

Some of you will have thought that my hunt for a new venue has slowed or that I have lost interest, I would like to assure you that nothing is further from the truth. I remain fully committed to finding and operating the next venue and some would say I need committing for that alone! Unfortunately my location of choice seems not to have the largest turnover of properties so patience is needed by the bucket load.

There has been some recent movement with the proverbial ‘gem’ making a reappearance on the market. After much difficulty we managed to align diaries for a recent viewing and successfully banished all gem like thoughts from my mind. It was incredibly sad to see how quickly a premises can move from operating to stripped but, and only a publican would use this phrase, it had at least been ‘sympathetically’ stripped. A distinct bonus to speedfit is that plumbing can be removed without significant damage although reinstating the supply will still be somewhat of an interesting proposition.

Removing gem status is tough, it is harder to fall in love with a stripped shell and equally hard to avoid falling into a sympathy purchase. Valuations that had been urgently sought had to be stalled to allow for some consideration to be given to what was now a very blank canvas indeed. On reflection and no small amount of maths the next stage is an independent building survey that will tell me if the structure is reasonably sound. I know that roofs need work, roofs always need work, but if the bits holding the roof up are sound then we still have everything to play for.

Blank canvases are not all that they are made out to be, they cause significant capex at a time when it is not appreciated and without a real feel for what the venue wants, but there are positives and negatives to every position. I now have a business plan stripped of F&F and with large capex sections added in case the surveyor rings me with good news. Oh and because it is me the surveyors report that makes the key decision will take the form of a telephone call, his office staff are not in until the New Year! I still have the potential to get a valuation done this year if the survey is positive so watch this space, in fact watch this space anyway because if it is not this one it will be another one.

I should also take this opportunity to apologise to all of the venues that suffered a research visit from the two publicans as part of this viewing. Please understand that the funny looks, finger-pointing and muttering are not intended to be offensive it is just that when we see another venue we are compelled to discuss the operation.

In other news I can tell you that the metalwork that holds my hands on is no more of a fan of the season than I am. Some people say that surgical implants give them problems in the cold, the heat or the damp but mine seem to dislike Christmas. Some would argue that it is the exercise, the industrial plumbing or the refusal to listen to medical advice but they would be wrong clearly it’s that bloody jingle bells tune! That is the only logical explanation that I can come up with that explains the rising level of pain that both wrists are keen to impart in harmony with the shoulder. I am finding it harder to sleep with shoulder pain which means I keep waking up and realising that my wrists hurt.

There is some relief with lefty from cracking the joint, like a knuckle on a bigger scale, but it is limited and the return is reasonably fast. It is clear to me that the nefarious Ms Nature is simply as uninterested in the festive season as myself and is therefore punishing me, just don’t let the witch know that we have something in common!

 

Wealth, happiness, pie and mash

Speaking to some friends over the weekend has reminded me of Jo’s insistence that I should always view my glass as half full and not half empty. Having studied law and generally being a pedant I like nothing more than to deconstruct an argument, its second nature to me as most of my friends will recognise with a groan. So when a friend asks ‘what is the point’ I have to answer that the actual point, the simple root that is the purpose of life is to live for the allotted duration, sure we would like to live in a better world, to provide for our families and be comfortable but they are our additions, our ‘value add’. Humans, like every other animal, come loaded with subliminal software that says ‘keep on going’ and that is the point, nothing more complex or philosophical than that. So when your feeling down, worried or just want to ‘give up’ remember that this is you not the world, you are judging your life by your rules and coming to the wrong conclusion.

The second debate that has been popular this weekend is ‘I won’t be rich’, firstly I should point out that this is from UK friends who already, no matter who they are, have a level of wealth beyond the reaches and dreams of a large proportion of the earths population. How does someone that feels that they are at the low end of the educational scale and have no opportunities think that they are clever enough to predict their entire life? People will always tell you that they won’t be rich because their lotto numbers won’t come up or they won’t marry a rich person this is such a false limitation why would you think like that? None of the people that we name when asked ‘who is wealthy’ are lotto winners, hard work, luck and timing are invariably what creates the wealth but its easier to focus on just the luck part because that is outside of our control.

I am by no means a philosopher, I don’t have any Buddhist beliefs but when I repeatedly come up against the same thoughts it does cause me some concern that if you don’t believe that the whole world is there for the taking then you are wasting your energy keeping yourself down.

Philosophy brief completed I can report in other news that Shorty remains a legend and will have a career with me as soon as I find another pub and they invent an artificial liver or somebody can assure me that putting him in a pub will not result in a manslaughter charge! I am astounded to find that Jules, who broke her wrist after visiting me in hospital, is now in a cast again for the same injury, I am starting to think that she is getting preferential treatment or perhaps its just that I am in the ‘too difficult pile’.

Congratulations go out to Helen for her mastery of Facebook she has added a location for the pub but a little more attention to detail is probably needed. I can see the pub from my window so when I pressed ‘navigate here’ I was more than a little surprised to find directions past the pub, along the seafront, down a side street and back along the high street arriving at the pie and mash shop, luckily I know a shortcut so it hasn’t kept me away.