I thought that I would start this morning with a catch up on some of the things that I didn’t get the chance to blog when they occurred, the odd glimpses into the weird world that I inhabit.
I start with the card shop in Walton, as you may recall this is the shop of choice rather than the overpriced supermarkets. I had to purchase a card that was for a 40 year old and I found a good one that included the charts, costs and news events from your birth year. Luckily I am of a similar age to the recipient and so I recognised that the year ‘1972’ was incorrect,these were old stock, I pointed this out to the shop owner who just shrugged and said ‘most people don’t care’. I am now wondering how many people have received cards with the wrong year/age combination and how far does the rot spread? Are there 4 year olds getting cards reminding them how much a newspaper cost in 1982? Worst still are we giving the elderly similar cards and then claiming that its ‘their age’ when they get confused by the year? Is this simple mistake in a local card shop actually condemning our elderly to early entry into care homes? Does Alzheimer’s really exist or is it just the result of cheap birthday cards and poor stock rotation?
Now a summary blog would not be complete without mention of Patrick. There is no rhyme or reason with Pat, one day he gets drunk and toddles off and the next day he rears up and acts like a man twice his build and half his age, Friday was the later. Having turned on the pub we managed to calm him down enough that he realised that he was drunk and that it was time to leave and off he wandered, my story ends there but Elaine and Helen provided part two yesterday. Pat apparently left the pub and went to the adjacent grocery store for a snack, he selected a pie and when Elaine got there he was still studying the box. You have to understand that Pat has supersize glasses, wears two hats for the winter, and well he is just an odd sight something between a 50 year old starving Harry Potter and a vegetarian Eskimo. Elaine asked if she could help to be told ‘I am checking the ingredients list to see if there is any horse in it’. Whether the news has passed Pat by or whether he chooses to only read the headlines, he has completely missed the issue I don’t doubt that when people moan about horse meat scandals he just tuts and mutters ‘why don’t they check the label’. Only Pat can honestly believe that the horse meat scandal is caused by saying beef on the front but listing horse in the ingredients, I look forward to seeing him later and explaining that due to quantative easing his £20 has devalued but I can offer him £10 for each of them.
The local grocery store features in my last tale, this morning, from the coast as well, I walked into a heated debate in the pub yesterday over the price of lamb. Elaine had obtained a leg of lamb for £5.99 which was the proclaimed half price deal at the store, unfortunately she shared the story and Rita shot off to procure a similar item only to be charged £14. The deal you see was half price at £5.99 a kilo, hence the £14 was correct and Elaine had just experienced a lucky mistake by the till operator. To say that was the end of it would not do justice to the ensuing arguments, explanations and high emotions but eventually the debate died down. Now in most towns this would be the end of the story but, much like Pat’s story above, this runs longer here because its Walton*. When the story reached Mick, he joined in and purchased a full price leg then argued and lost, not to be beaten he identified the till operator that misunderstood the promotion and mounted a second assault. Now Mick was better prepared the second time, he selected a wheelchair bound mate for the assault, primed him with money and a look of hardship, opened the door and gave him a shove.
Our endearing soldier did a couple of laps to ensure that he had the correct till operative and then he was in there at double speed having set the wheelchair controls to boost. A hasty exit and quick count up showed a victorious 4 legs of lamb at £5.99 each, a quick regroup after stock had been refreshed and a third wave secured the remaining stock. The wheelchair was creaking as they drove their stock on a trip around town selling cheap lamb, Robin Hood would have been proud. I do wonder what on earth the young girl on the till thought one small disabled lad was going to do with a half dozen legs of lamb, but considering where we are she probably thought he was going to try and make his legs work by eating more leg, hey it worked when I ate pink!
*I have considered then madness of Walton many times over the years, I thought for a while it was because I was a pub dweller and that every town was like this but travelling has taught me that is not the case. Proximity to salt water is my current theory and it seems to have more legs, the town of Walton you see is bordered by sea and a tributary, it also ends in a cliff. So the people that live in Walton are bounded by the sea on three sides which could explain why they are more unique than your average seaside town dweller. This theory is supported when you look at the Isle of Wight which has its own unique people and is surrounded on all sides by sea, more importantly perhaps more of its inhabitants are close to the sea.