I have written before on the subject of dreams or, more specifically, my lack of them. Quite simply I don’t ever recall dreams. The emphasis here is on the word ‘ever’ I don’t mean ‘rarely’ or ‘not often’ I mean never. When you explain to me that you dreamt that a leopard made of ice cream dressed in your wife’s stockings was chasing you through a lemon flavoured fog I presume that you’re mad. As a reasoned adult I can think of no other explanation except that you are insane. Frankly you must be madder than a whole box of frogs to have these experiences.
The odd thing is that people are so confident in their delusional ramblings that they share them! What is the matter with you, are you hankering for full board in the local asylum? I do have to concede though that there are a lot of you around. Most weeks somebody will make mention of a dream and, let’s be honest, they are rarely normal. My conclusion, the logical conclusion, is that I am surrounded by lunatics. Everywhere I look there are mad people whose minds are filled with giant, car driving hamsters and candy floss that attacks you in your sleep.
If it wasn’t bad enough being the sole sane person in a world full of fruitcakes you tell me that I am wrong. A conversation with a friend who was a psychology student revealed that not dreaming is a mental illness. Apparently not dreaming means that we don’t process subconscious thoughts and that is a key indicator for psychosis. Whilst I am dubious that anyone that dreams of cats that have their mother’s face and cook dinner is in a position to judge it is the accepted position.
Because I’ve never been able to process the desire to fly, to eat the sun or to conduct an orchestra wearing nothing more than a clown’s nose I am at a disadvantage in the world. Or so the lunatics would have me believe. I understand that this works because dreams are our exploration of alternatives. As an example, when you dream that the television tastes like roast beef you are exploring the idea. Having explored the idea you discount it whereas I still think that the television may be flavoursome. Be that as it may I have never felt the need to chew a Sony. At the extremes are when you have a bad day and you dream of coming into the office and shooting everybody, that is actually meant to be healthy. The theory has it that you have explored that option and realise that it won’t work I, on the other hand, remain unconvinced. Apparently those people that fall off the deep end and slaughter their colleagues are normally not dreamers. Worth thinking about when you see me sitting quietly in the office.
I read something recently that prompted this post. I didn’t really want to write a post that gave the impression that I was quietly waiting to slaughter the madmen that surround me since that could have been misunderstood. The article looked at the reasons why people don’t dream and there were several. The most common is not entering rapid eye movement (REM) sleep; this is a reflection of poor quality sleep. People who work erratic and long shifts commonly find that they don’t recall dreams until 3 or 4 days into a vacation which is when they have repaid their sleep deficit.
Alcohol, nicotine and prescription drugs can, of course, alter sleep patterns such that you don’t recall dreams. But there was one that stuck out to me and that was simple logic. The theory goes that whilst we all dream some of us don’t waste our resources remembering them. So after the 8ft chocolate bar chases me around the racetrack riding a carrot I have an extra stage. Whilst you file it for later use I consider the benefit and discard the experience. I simply review the madness of a dream at a subconscious level and since I cannot find a use for the knowledge that cats aren’t made of custard I don’t bother saving it.
In conclusion I was correct all along, you, the dreamers, are bonkers. My theory was slightly off though since I thought that the process of dreaming was the mad part when in fact it is not. The madness comes when you review the world around you and think “hmmm I really should file the fact that an apricot can eat a 20ft long snake because one day that will be usefull”. When the zombies come* you may want to be on my team because while you have been wasting you’re time with fizzy giraffes I have a plan……
*For clues as to zombies iminent arrival please see other posts