It has been an oddly unsettled weekend and I’m actually not too sorry to be returning to the stability of work. I don’t know what it was that sent the weekend askew but I knew no good would come of it from Friday. As most of you know I live alone and I do not own a freezer, there are odd reasons for that which I shall explain later. This means that the visit to the grocery store on the way home Friday is the pivotal point for deciding the weekend menus.
I don’t know if it just me but food is a good barometer of my mood. If I am feeling positive and upbeat I can see a meal in every item that I come across on a shelf. If I am not feeling, well just not feeling ‘right’, there is nothing but effort and waste on the shelves. On Friday I left with two pints of milk and a packet of Minstrels, the later discarded after I ate one and decided that they tasted of beetroot.
For the purposes of completeness let me explain the absence of a freezer in my flat, beware it makes perfect sense to me. When I moved into the flat nearly eight years ago it was a temporary arrangement, at the time it was ‘until I sort my divorce out’ and in my defence that took 6 years. The flat was a furnished flat not particularly by choice but due to limited availability at the time. Everything that came into the flat came by car with my logic being that I could move out with the same uncomplicated method.
The television that I have was selected not for picture or sound quality but for the ability to fit the entire box into my car after it was delivered to Paul’s whilst I was at work. House purchase slipped by and pub purchase became the next deadline, mostly it still is. I may have introduced a ‘soft’ deadline of resolving the aftermath of the accident but there remains a target. Many is the time that I have convinced myself that I should purchase a new television, a freezer or re-carpet but I always change my mind. As much as I love the ocean backdrop and as happy as I am in the flat it is forever an indicator of delay and life being on hold. Somehow I can’t quite bring myself to do anything that could solidify it’s status.
Anyway, having discarded the chocolate I knew the weekend was not going to go well. Don’t misunderstand this, I wasn’t expecting disaster but I had the feeling of disconnect and could envisage spending a lot of time at home. I only left the flat twice on Friday to collect and return a laptop repair. On Saturday I popped in to catch up with good friends freshly returned from their well deserved break. My key-ring now sports a shiny Corfu fob (thank you Emily) and I have to commend the choice of T-shirt which confirms that “I do all my own stunts”. A bottle of Metaxa, the delightful rose tinted Greek brandy is now safely secured at home. I hope that I looked as grateful as I felt, if I didn’t I can assure you that it was not intentional I love you guys!
Three pints on Saturday confirmed that I was not in a sociable mood and I returned to tea and ‘the other project’. Early nights and early mornings oh and tea, lots of tea were the dominant features of my weekend. There is no reason that I can place my finger on for this disconnect. I miss my children terribly, but have for some time now. I am upset that my daughter has not even told me whether she has received the gift I sent for her birthday, but I didn’t really expect her to. The growing list of unanswered messages to my son hurt, but they always have. The whole ‘life on pause’ thing is a heavy weight to haul but it hasn’t changed.
This is another of the positives in the licensed trade, there is no room to disconnect. Sure there is a personality in a pub and it could be said that you hide behind it but their is no room to allow that personality to slip. I guess sometimes when the weight of life weighs heavily sometimes you just need to dissociate from it.
On a more upbeat note can I apologise to the interweb for using it whilst naked on Sunday, I trust I didn’t offend any search engines. The reason that I didn’t have time to get dressed was that I needed to log in to my Lotto account, there was “important information”. I logged in and discovered that I had indeed won on Saturday! Rest assured I won’t let this change me, I will stay as mardy and sarcastic as ever. I will be speaking to my advisors to find the best lager to invest my new found £25 in.