I visited the doctors last week, well actually it was the nurse because that was what the receptionist thought was best. The reason for this visit was some sort of dermatitis/psoriasis that has developed on my scalp, nothing major but I cant seem to shift it so thought it time to get professional advice. Having explained my ailment the nurse turned and rummaged through a collection of leaflets muttering “I’ve got something for you”. After some sorting she found what she wanted and turned to present me a picture of a Doberman with a head full of shampoo lather “Isn’t he cute?” she enquired. Having thanked her for the prescription I noticed that the product was called Etrivex and wondered again if it was for Dobermans or for humans, so far no signs of a shiny coat but I will keep you posted.
As you know Christmas is not a time of year that I have any particular love or affinity with it is however inevitable. In an attempt to rid my mind of the tedious soundtrack of Christmas I turned the radio on this morning and, well it just all went wrong. Firstly my digital radio did its very best impression of drowning, something it seems to be doing with annoying regularity of late. You will recall that they sold us digital radio as the solution to all of the hissing and distortion of FM radio, after all ‘digital’ translates into ‘better’ everyone knows that right?
What they failed to mention is that digital radio coverage is appalling in many areas and that its performance isn’t actually very digital i.e. on or off. When the digital radio signal is poor because of atmospherics, transmitter outage or because the day ends in a ‘y’ it appears to leap into an imaginary ocean. I will admit that there are times when hearing certain singers bubbling up for air with ever decreasing frequency is quite a delight but today was not one of those days. Forced to turn to FM I pulled up a local radio station with no trouble and listened to a couple of good songs sung by dry singers, a bonus for both of us I feel.
Then it happened, then it just spiralled into the living hell that is local radio, adverts. What is it that happens to people when they commission a local radio advertisement? is there some form of compulsory lobotomy? These are people who built reasonably successful companies yet they seem to have lost any semblance of contact with reality. Local radio adverts are not just lame, I could deal with that, they are annoying in fact so bloody irritating that they make you want to drown the radio with its digital sibling! At what point does an adult think that chanting some mindless company name repeatedly will enamour you to their product? The opposite is, of course, true and I am pretty sure that it would present a reasonable defence for arson or even murder*.
I know that budgets are limited and that the slick advertisements that we see on the television cost a small fortune to make but surely anybody would do a ‘proof listen’ and realise something was wrong as they cringed? Or is there nobody in the radio company advising these people?
Finally for today I would like to share another insight into the very strange mind of the publican. When you tell people who you want a pub you get a lot of responses, there are those who wisely tell you not to do it and the ill-informed who think that it’s a great idea, the latter can usually be found in pubs. But it takes a unique kind of mind to look at a friend who you know is determinedly seeking what can only be rationally assessed as commercial suicide and say “I brought you a sign, it will look great in your pub”. Only a publican and actually only some of them understands the compulsive element of the trade and can therefore just accept your insanity.
*The author does not purport to condone such actions or offer legal advice in defence of them he does however maintain a rather weighty list of targets……