You can always rely on public transport to expose you to the reality of people. There is something about it that brings out the oddities and vagaries of the human race. Before I tell you of my fellow journeymen today I must say how nice it is to travel on the competition’s product. Nice, that is, when several doors are locked out and ceiling panels are adrift cue smug smile.
In front of me sat two polish girls busily working on a laptop. Checking itineraries you may think? Or planning their day? No I think that this was all work, although I don’t have the prerequisites for this career. They spent the journey engaging with men on adult chat sites no less. They discussed what to say and giggled over responses as we sped through the countryside. Don’t misunderstand me we all need to make a living but I do wonder if Fred knew she was 40 and on the train!
At Chelmsford a family tried to get off at a set of doors that were locked out of use. The driver announced that the doors ‘next to the toilet’ had been locked out of use but not these ones. When the young fellow observed ‘these doors are not in service’ his partner responded with “oh I didn’t see a toilet”. Sometimes I think such a vague involvement with life must be nice, mostly I don’t.
This was followed, when I departed by an English episode. I pointed out to the lady heading to said doors that “they are out of service” and her response? “Oh are they really?” Is it just me that when faced with such a comment has to fight the urge to say “No they are fine really I am just a compulsive liar”
I have also been treated to some sort of display today. I am not sure if there is one of those dreadful charity events occurring that I have not heard of. Please, if anyone is aware that it is “National draw attention to your worst features” day let me know. I have been assaulted by grotesquely overweight people who chose skin tight clothes. This is not just unflattering it is actually unpleasant. I have no particular issue with size but if you are ‘larger than the average
bear’ what makes you think that some skinny T shirt in XXXL is a good look? We all loved the spray on leather pants in Grease because they were on great legs but tight, of itself is not good. I am not suggesting that you hide away but I am strongly suggesting that the woman on Platform ten chose badly. When your size is struggling to stay in the twenties and your feet are struggling to support your weight there are some things that you shouldn’t wear. Hell there are some things they shouldn’t be allowed to sell you. Take the skin tight ‘To hot to touch’ shirt and burn it or donate it to Glastonbury as a tent.
If you have the misfortune to have an oversize face. Multiple chins and a look that only a puppeteer would appreciate then don’t draw attention to it. Do not think for one moment that the additional flesh is an opportunity for more adornment. Seriously that Argos stud buried between your chins is not making you more attractive. We don’t look at you and think “oo hunt the gem, what fun”. I’m not suggesting a burka or self imprisonment but maybe subtle shades not scarlet and, well just tone it down.