I am constantly amazed by either my bodies ability to suddenly reset my assumptions or my minds innate ability to mislead itself.
I spend so much of my time thinking that with the exception of some pain I have pretty normal use of my hands and my life is relatively unaffected by the damage. It is during these moments that I push my right hand flat and try and type with my other fingers at least dragging over the keys if not actually operating any, at this point of course I fall into the shouting at the I Pad/PC/Phone and it all goes wrong.
Last night, upon falling out with my electronic devices, I decided enough was enough, it was time to do something else. I carefully threw the I Pad across the room and prepared to tackle an investigation into the noisy washing machine.
I should point out at this stage that said machine is under guarantee, one of the causes however could be a loose balance weight and, as an Engineer, I could not countenance somebody else attending such a trivial repair.
The first task was to slide the machine from its location under the worktop, the preferred method being to lift from within the door opening and pull. My left hand flatly refused to perform the lift, I don’t mean it hurt or fell off pumping blood over the lino I mean it refused simply would not entertain the task! I called upon righty but the pair are in league albeit righty threw some sharp stabbing pain in to seal the deal.
So now, obviously, I sat down and considered the task out of bounds and made a nice relaxing cup of Darjeeling. Of course not! I was not about to let the treacherous bastards win, what sort of precedent would that set? Oh no I set to work combining both hands to gain little, painful lifts whilst throwing my mass backwards to gain distance (the later part is often referred to as falling).
My ‘domestic’ toolbox is stored in a utility cupboard so I quickly dragged it out, selected the appropriate implement and set about the machine. Sadly I discovered the cause of the issue was more likely a bearing or balance issue since the weight was secure, lid replaced I set about tidying up.
Tools returned I went to lift and swing the toolbox home, ah not so easy you see I can no longer lift with one hand and in fairness if I could I would be extremely concerned with the enterprise of swinging since this would be mostly reliant on the wood screws holding my hand on!
A two handed throw, somewhat akin to the start of a hammer toss, resolved the issue and I set about returning the machine to its starting point. Unfortunately replacing was not a reversal of removal Mr Haynes mantra would not overcome this problem. You see pushing in a similarly uncontrolled manner would result in my head and the wall meeting in a manner not conducive to consciousness.
A brain wave struck and I sat on the floor, in itself a feat when your hands/wrists don’t take any weight, braced my back and extended my legs gaining a good 6″ of travel. Having hit upon the method I set about repeating it until my goal was met, it was at this point that the next snag surfaced, you see once my back had left the door frame extending my legs simply returned my back to where it started.
It is normal practice at such times to use your arms to brace yourself, a pertinent reminder that I am no longer, or perhaps ever was, normal. I would tell you that I leapt up to consider alternatives but that would not be true, rising you see involves rolling around and using each and every available angle, so you gain a few inches from the left which allows you to spin on to the right and from there you are able to wedge your leg under your . . . Well you get the point its a cross between an inverted tortoise and raising a shipwreck!
Correctly vertical I reconsidered options and settled upon a rear 2 handed lift and bump approach which eventually restored the kitchen. I carefully wiped all of the surfaces free of evidence, wiped the sweat from my brow, grabbed a can of soda and headed for a lay down.
You see, a simple 10 minute task had taken over an hour of frustrated yelling and tantrums. Once again my body had proved my mind wrong, but did I ever consider surrender? Of course not and that is why I will win in the end, I’m not medically trained, don’t know my body better, am not particularly clever but by god I’m a stubborn old bastard!