This morning I bring you two items from the weekend. Having mentally reviewed them I have concluded that whilst the opposite sex are strange women are in fact stranger. You are, of course, welcome to draw a different conclusion.
The first is from a friend who recounted an overly friendly encounter. Apparently he succeeded in extracting himself from a social situation that became overly amorous only to be greeted some time later by a knock on the door. The young lady involved had sought out our polite male and tracked him home. The thing that astounded me in this story was the armoury with which she arrived. A bottle of wine is a common ‘just passing’ gift but clearly she considered this too feminine for the occasion. So it was that my friend was greeted by said young lady carrying a bottle of wine and a single can of lager.
I was taken aback by this story and couldn’t deduce what hidden meaning was in the gift. Clearly this wasn’t the result of a visit to the shop but was it a the result of searching a barren cupboard? I think it was a more calculated collection either because sufficient beer had to be left at home to sedate the partner or because too much beer risked sedating the conquest.
During this discussion I received an sms from an ex girlfriend saying that she was outside my flat. Obviously I replied that I wasn’t home, since I was in the pub. The volume in the pub was such that I didn’t hear my phone and so it was not until a toilet break that I discovered a raft of sms. For me, as a man, it is fairly logical that if you visit uninvited then you may find nobody at home. It would appear that logic is not a religion shared by all. Following some small debate said woman tipped somebody’s pint over my head and left. There are a number of things that I can draw from this experience although somehow I doubt they were intended.
The first is an absolute lack of logic or self control, there was no reason for this soggy assault it was simply an act of frustration. Given the opportunity I would have suggested a witty line or eloquent discourse a much better means of dealing with the experience. The second is that people watch too many soap operas. People don’t tip pints over heads in the real world, this is a theatrical device beloved of the television. Quite simply there is no benefit to be had from the action, the recipient shrugs it off and the deliverer exits stage left. I certainly found that I dried very quickly and it was all rather tiresome. My friend commented that when she picked up the glass the last thing he expected was the contents over my head, he was ready to deal with far more serious actions. This is confirmation of my decision to remain single, I am simply no good at relationshits and have no more bunnies to boil.
The final observation is that, in keeping with some advertising, beer is good for one’s hair. Whilst not a convenient shampoo due to its scent beer really does make your hair glossy.
For those that are questioning my reasoning I ask one question, have you ever seen a man tip a drink over a woman?