Freeze, boil, caring magic

So thankfully there are still enough ill-informed people in the world that I occasionally hear how lucky I am to live in a pub. I know, how weird is that, I am not the only idiot that thinks that this is cool although I am the one of the few idiots that does it for real.

Some people. me included, actually think that it is cool to live in a pub. For me there is a pleasure in being here after hours that is greater than many pleasures in life. Actually owning a pub and being free to walk every inch of it is a thrill that still makes me grin like a schoolboy.

So a story today made me write this. A man who took a run down pub and has ‘done his nuts’ in a short space of time. Now this man was heading into the summer season but had to go because he didn’t have the reserves. A heartbreaking story on the face of it because summer is our time to shine. But then details emerge and they include a £5K spend renovating the domestic accommodation, really? what is the GP on that?

If you want to make this work it has to be all about downstairs, this is the theatre, the shop window, this is where the magic happens, upstairs is where we sleep.

So let me share with you what a publicans home life is like, at least in my case. I eat in the office, every meal that I manage to cobble together is eaten in the same way as you eat your snack lunch in the office. I don’t possess any other table, literally my desk is where I live, it’s where I am now and where I will always be if I am not front of house.

I have not spent a single penny upstairs in the 3.5 years I have been here. My carpets and ceilings do not meet the walls in some rooms because we had to change the walls (for downstairs) and there is no budget. I live with the same flaky paint, the same dodgy woodchip wallpaper that was there when I moved in, hell after that time I still haven’t unpacked !

In the winter my flat is so cold my pet penguin left me (I miss my Pingu) and I haven’t had a cuddle since! Right now, this very moment, my bedroom is at 29 degrees. When people ask if I live above I always say that I have a bit of a bedsit. But I have not stopped spending here since I started, nothing frustrates me more than ‘hidden spend’, sure if it needs doing we will do it but I much prefer that we can all see where our money is going.

On that note I am off to bed at gas mark 7, until next time….

 

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Recalcitrant Henry, gas and sugar

Well I guess that you can deduce from the sparsity of my posts that the pub is getting busier, if you did then congratulations you are correct. It is not that the pub is bursting at the seams rather the periods when nobody is in have significantly reduced.

I guess that the first thing to update you all on is that I remain immensely proud of the old lady. The pub has developed a sensible crowd who make for a great atmosphere and ensure that everybody feels welcome and has a great time. As always the proudest moments that I have are when people thank me for the good time that they have had or when I see people who have ‘popped in for one’ leaving at the end of the night.

In physical terms the building continues to present new challenges at a rate that would be considered alarming elsewhere. I am currently waiting on a fencer, builder and structural engineer which gives you some idea of the scale of just the immediate task. For those who know the island this is the flip side of the relaxed and laid back environment, it takes forever to get trades on site!

Six months after I was told that a power flush was not required on the central heating system it has now been completed with the plumber telling me that it was the worst that he has ever seen. The three radiators in the bar have now been replaced with twin wall models and the pub actually feels warm. I am still burning gas at a rate that means that I can negotiate wholesale prices directly with Russia but at least I can do so without shivering. The plan remains to remove the wall and fit a log burner which I will progress just as soon as I can engage the structural engineer…..

I still have no staff although I am acutely aware that this is a situation that I need to resolve. I have attempted to address this thorny issue a number of times but the sheer complexity means that it ends up being pushed back down the list of jobs. I have discussed this with a couple of friends and, when faced with the reality, they have all agreed that it is a far bigger challenge than it first appears.

For me the 130 hr working week is still great. I love the pub and the people and I remain content and happy to be here. Despite the theories I am living proof that you can do this and stay reasonably healthy and also testament to the nutritional value of a glass of stout. Restarting physio means the wrists are behaving somewhat better now but the shoulders are taking turns at reminding me that my body is more ‘cut and shut’ than showroom condition!

I often hear from ex colleagues who marvel at how I cope in an absence of any technical challenges, I think this must be a result of my calm unflappable appearance. In truth there are many technical challenges involved in the structure of a 220+ year old pub but also in the products that I retail. This week, as an example, I changed keg to find that a lager would not hold head, ‘glasses’ I can hear you yell but you are wrong. The physics involved in generating and maintaining a head are complex and the fault finding process is more complex than you would think. The beer was regenerating and the introduction of sugar confirmed that the beer was adequately gassed and, by corollary, that the correct as mix was being used.

Having used alternate glassware and tested other beer in this brands glass I moved to the cellar to withdraw product directly from the cellar buoy. Only when this didn’t resolve the issue did I move to the second keg which also demonstrated the same issue. The fault in the end was the kegs which had not been rinsed properly at the brewery, with the trace of rinse actively destroying the head.If you think that this seems simple remember that the analysis was performed at 21:00 whilst serving customers and whilst the original customer was left waiting.

If the technical challenges were not enough on their own I suffer nightly from a small wheeled teenager. Without a doubt the best vacuum cleaner for the pub is one of those small ones with the idiot facial features drawn on (I refuse to name the brand) unfortunately mine must be the product of a broken home. Every time I pull that cleaner along it has a tantrum and turns upside down, taking small children through a department store is a breeze by comparison. Why they bother putting wheels on the bottom of these things is beyond me since they spend most of their life being dragged along on their ‘head’.

Seriously if anybody has any training techniques for these recalcitrant devices then please let me know, alternatively a set of ‘bumpers’ may save my paintwork when the stroppy thing finally submits to my demands and comes at me like a cork out of a bottle!

 

 

Nature, ferries and so near

Well as the moving day approaches I am becoming increasingly conscious that the number of tasks seems to grow as the number of days to complete them diminishes. This weekend sees me travelling to an island that is consumed by festival, a fantastic event and a great opportunity to remind people that there is a little island down here!

En route to the island I am stopping in Portsmouth for a meeting with a supplier this saves him travelling across to the island. Meeting in Portsmouth always brings a little frustration as I sit ‘nearly home’ and watch the ferries departing. This will be one of the last meetings I have where we have to agree a venue, future meetings will always be in my pub.

After a conversation with Dave I am now ready to tackle the second wave of plumbers and understand, hopefully, the relative merits of replacement/repair for the boiler. I guess that it may not be the best of starts that I refuse to call a plumber a ‘heating engineer’ but then I grew up before the lunacy of gas safe and other such regulations.

I should see the garden incinerator delivered this weekend and, if the weed-killer has worked, it will get a good christening. This weed-killer was a more routine product so I have yet to see if it measures up to the might of the ’weed grenade’ but here’s hoping. Between bees, gulls and weeds it does feel like half my time is spent battling nature at the moment and then evenings are spent dealing with Ms Nature’s response to the day time battles.

This week finds numbness in my right hand thanks to a carpal tunnel that looks more like a 1920s mine shaft than a sleek modern tunnel. In unison with this the shoulder is refusing to play nicely and seems to have engaged the knee in its latest action. Walking to work yesterday involved alternate determined concentration and combination wince/stumbles. I am, of course, presuming that a weekend of hard labour will move some bits about and improve everything, stand to reason doesn’t it?*

I have sample quarry tiles to review this weekend and a selection of those paint colour books to understand some interior choices. I have had mixed reviews on the exterior grey of the pub but think it will return to a more natural cream in due course. I will have to explain what this colour is to Andrew who remains convinced that the grey is in fact pink! Hoping to see something of the sign writer this weekend and looking forward to giving some sneak previews of the new signs.

*Note that author’s definition of “reason” may differ from that of others

News from there

As we head into another working week I thought that I would share an update with you from the other world. I should start by saying that I am taken aback by the support and encouragement from colleagues since I have announced my departure. It is interesting to see that there is still a whole generation out there who congratulate me and believe that this is a good decision, it’s nice not being the only deluded one!

On arriving at the weekend I was met with significant progress from the stonemasons which, if I am honest, was more terrifying than encouraging! Thanks to Dave for reassuring me that this is how it’s supposed to look and great news that the quarry has brought the stone date to the left, every little helps as they say. The old girl survived water and electricity being left on during my absence which is a good step, next up is the gas.

Plumber has visited and is booked to return and commission the rather complex heating and hot water system. When he asked if I had taken the pub over I replied that I had bought it which, in turn, elicited an echoed response of “bought it” before he proceeded to tell me how it has struggled over the years.

A small vacuum cleaner was on this week’s delivery, I have a good one but needed a temporary one at the pub whilst filling and sanding. The vacuum first hit the flat and I can now tell you that I now know what noise from a vacuum means “please stop and take me back to the store”. I had to empty the thing pretty much after every room and the resultant black bag had such a high percentage of dog that I considered sending it to Battersea!

For those of you that have taken a pub I will pause and allow you to recall the simple pleasure of that first vacuum and the discovery of patterns on carpets that were previously unknown.

Debates between the two brewers are progressing well which makes the ultimate decision harder rather than easier. Whilst Heineken seem to have the lion’s share of the island Carlsberg are keen and have a strong offer. Both breweries will be involved but the challenge is to declare the dominant supplier. I think that it may all come down to the branding of the external area which is a key asset and needs suitable recognition.

Paperwork done, bills paid, lists written and yet more prices reviewed I spent the remainder of my weekend running cables and installing CCTV for the big island pub, the whole thing really is never ending. Upon updating my wall planner, yes I actually have one, I have concluded that my time line is nothing short of insane. The constant juggling of day job, pub and domestic arrangements is more than any one person needs in their head. 

News from the front

Energy supplies has been this week’s challenge and its been a bigger one than you would imagine. With no contract in place I am immediately saddled with quite steep charges from the existing supplier so need to contract out.

The pub is a business supply so we have to figure in additional surcharges and, of course, they are listed differently by different suppliers. It takes a fair spreadsheet to understand the true costs of each deal but finally I hit upon the winner, oh but that it was so easy.

I need to prove that I own the pub, well of course I do why else would I want to pay it’s fuel bills? We had one of those great conversations where I couldn’t see why I had to prove ownership and the sales guy couldn’t understand how I couldn’t. I guess on the face of it offering to send a picture of the key wasn’t much help but hey its not just any key it’s my golden key*. Of course they could accept utility bills, tax bills or tenancy agreements but I have no utility supplier, I’m not asking for tax bills and I own the pub I protested.

All of this debate is against a deadline, aren’t they always, as the gas supplier lift their prices at 17.30. In the end a note from my solicitors ends the debate and we are away. I am still looking forward to meeting one of these people who apparently falsely signs up to pay somebody else’s bills, I’ve got a stack for him! Oddly though even taking on these bills is a small victory, another step and positive, it feels good.

Stonemason two has now got his quote over and roofer 4 is on this week’s chase list. There are some details to resolve on the stonemason but we are looking good to get started within the planned timescales. It is a careful balance now though to ensure revenues are available in time to pay the capital expenditures as they become due. Hey if you can’t balance cash flow this is not the trade for you.

A recent extravagance has been a holdall, a business expense of course, in order to get more of the routine bits down to the pub on each trip. Along with the paperwork I am now changing the address on all post to my new home. I pay my current rent quarterly so that has decided my moving in date although cash flow will dictate the start of trading.

So here I am, more broke than pretty much ever in my adult life, grinning like a lunatic every time that I see my pretty little pub on my phones screen saver. The next few months are going to both race and drag but the key is getting the start right, after all I have the rest of my life there. 

*yes it’s to the door that I rent

Accidental precision, the trouble with hair and who ate my tracks?

I spent some time recently doing some jewellery repairs, it’s not something that I am particularly experienced at but I do enjoy it. The whole process of making joints, preparing the surfaces and then encouraging the, often reluctant, silver to adhere is quite cathartic. Obviously I don’t perform this work in a workshop or an Industrial environment, I do it in my kitchen. I always carry out a thorough risk assessment though before carrying out such work and it usually reminds me to cover the counter top and sometimes even have water on standby.

Since my hair has been less keen to stay with me since the accident i have now taken to applying a baseball cap to restrain my hair. In days of old the smell of burning hair could be shrugged off but when combined with moulting the maths really doesn’t make sense. It would appear that I hadn’t thought all of the possibilities through though and my interaction with the gas torch did not go fully as planned. There is a dark spot on the peak of my cap where it got in the way of the flame but it was not the only casualty. I have to say in the battle of hair verses flame, flame certainly won and I am now sporting a stripe of missing eyebrow! Once again I am astounded by the clinical precision that can come with a mistake, I couldn’t have lanced a neater strip of hair removal if I had actually tried. Obviously I am looking forward to explaining the balding badger look to all that I meet but I thought that I would kick off with you guys. I am hoping that the curse of prodigious eyebrows shows its positive side by filling in the gap post haste, bloody hair its nowt but trouble!

In other news I was victim to a scary new tactic from the New Delhi call centre mob yesterday whilst dealing with my broadband contract. Obviously there was the expected repeat loops of explaining the issue to various idiots and getting nowhere but in the end we concluded that the account would all come right on the next invoice. I felt moved to ask mahatmacoat whether he thought that this was right, if I am wrong then I need to make payment immediately but they can correct later. After a couple of goes he agreed that it seemed somewhat unfair but “that’s how it is”. It was then that he launched his latest tactic, doubtless learnt during the festive break, “would you allow me to inject some humour into our conversation?”

I was taken aback, certainly there had been no humour this far but the question caught me unaware. It turned out that the question was rhetorical and for a moment I thought that I was to be treated to a stand up routine, alas it was not to be. I allowed him 1 line of what seemed like a philosophy quote before I hung up. I warn you all this is not humour, please don’t get your hopes up it is just a ploy to keep you on the phone.

Finally I would like to ask you all a question, what is the purpose of I-Tunes? From what I have seen it appears to exist for the purpose of randomly deleting tracks from my library and generating new albums and strange artist names. It seems incapable of understanding that a disc contains an album and so reguarly generates new albums to hide single tracks in. The whole system seems less reliable than the Lotto and is as far from convenience as an Indian call centre! When I open I-Tunes and select an album I know that I will be surprised to see half the tracks missing and then will need to delete said album and reload it, from my CD, what’s the bloody point?

The only thing that the sour apple seems to do for me is to give me album artwork, which looks very nice on my IPod. The thing is that I already have the artwork, its on the disc case, and I have never known a song fall of a CD it just doesn’t happen. After another few hours of yelling at the incompetent apple monster and asking where it had hidden tracks 4,7,11&13 of an AC-DC album I gave up. That is it Mr Apple, you have broken me congratulations. I have downloaded Winamp which looks like an 80’s car stereo, they tell me that it can interface with all of my crab apple toys but frankly I couldn’t care less. In the two days that this has been installed it has not eaten any tracks, not recreated albums in its own image and well in truth it has not done anything that I haven’t asked it to do. It doesn’t offer me the option of including artwork which is a shame but based on experience this was a step too far anyway. If anyone can tell me why on earth we should be burdened with such poorly performing garbage software then please burn your explanation moot a CD and I will feed it to I-Tunes.