Women, fish and records

Today’s post starts with a little educational feature inspired by some recent comments received. Firstly there is no such thing as a relationship state that is single, to think that there is presumes that everyone strives for a relationship. Being single can often mean that somebody is in a transition between relationships but it can also be a concious and determined state.

It is impolite to suggest to a single person ways in which they may ‘find’ a relationship and it is also presumptuous. I am an educated man and can learn from my mistakes. As a young engineer I learnt many things about material properties, not the general properties but the more specific ones like heavy, sharp and hot. These were valuable lessons, some so much that I recorded them in scars! I have learnt which drinks and foods and particularly to avoid curry unless I wish to spend two days feeling like a pregnant woman.

At 40 years of age I have tried relationships, I have also tried skin tight jeans and dancing. None of these things are for me, you’re welcome to them but they are not for me, you probably don’t like sushi each to their own. I don’t have anything in particular against relationships I just don’t have the prerequisite skills with which to enter them. I like motorcycle racing but I don’t have the flexibility for that either. I have been told many times that “not all women are wrong’uns” and I thoroughly agree, after all some of best friends are women. But I have an inate ability to turn women into wrong’uns and, to date, I have a 100% success rate.

The lesson from this is simple, don’t threaten me with relationships and I won’t threaten you with sushi!

In other news I travelled to derby on Monday, returned home yesterday and am heading to Frankfurt then Munich today. A couple of days in Germany with a supplier and then home on Friday. There is something oddly unnerving about returning home in the week, I am that used to working away. On Monday it felt odd leaving milk in the fridge, I was only away a night, just seemed wrong. As I left today there were three people on my train and I realised, once again, how unusual my life is at least for where I live.

My twitter feed remains an inspiration, keeping me close to my beloved Isle. Sometimes it feels as if life is just racing past and I am consuming huge chunks of time, unmarked by achievements or success but at least there is a goal. It’s been nearly two years since I veered off a determined path and had to put things on hold, it may not seem like it to me or those around me but, ever so slowly, I’m moving back into position, it will happen.

Every time I see a tweet from the ferry company I feel the sun on my shoulders at Portsmouth. Stormy days have me stood at Southsea as the hovercraft comes in. I will come home to my Island, I will secure my pub and, just as a reminder, I will stay relationship free. 

Engineering dinner failure and hey its only pain

I don’t believe that we educate and manufacture Engineers, some of us are just born this way. There is a strange desire deep inside of us to understand how things work and how to improve them and it never leaves us. Most children will try to open toys to see what happens inside don’t be too concerned this, of itself, doesn’t indicate an Engineer, the difference is that we don’t stop. The thing with Engineers is that we see the world differently to everyone else, everywhere we look there is an opportunity to change something.

It really never turns off, like a filter lens we just see an Engineer’s view of the world. Despite the pain from my wrists I could no more pass a screwdriver to somebody than I could eat sand. I have adjusted the way that I hold various tools to accommodate the necessary movements because tools are an extension of me, giving them up would be akin to amputation (and we know I beat that). I spent a few hours Saturday running a new CCTV feed for a friend and thoroughly enjoyed the task. This was not a major activity, we had already run the cable. just termination and fault-finding. The original installer had used nasty compression BNC connectors so I replaced with crimped but the replacements were too small so I had to solder the centre pin. Adapting from crimped to solder and successfully terminating all channels made me smile and now you can shake the connectors without disturbing the image.

Having tested the new camera locally I installed it and there was no image, voltage was present at the camera but no image. Some fault-finding revealed that the relatively short run didn’t need baluns, we used Cat 5, some more soldering resolved the issue. We are talking a few hours work, not heavily physical or even particularly taxing, but I enjoyed this because I changed something and that is what Engineering is about. It is 2 pm now as I write this and I am just starting to beat the pain that kept me awake last night and has crippled me all morning. That’s the thing with working with your hands it reminds you, and them, that things are not perfect. The great thing about an Engineering mind-set is that although I have struggled all morning and will remain in pain for a day or so yet  the sense of achievement, of beating physical material, is sufficient reward.

In another example of the Engineer’s mind let me share with you the dinner that I cooked on Friday. I had purchased one of those ‘cook in packet’ pieces of fish, I love fish but hate the smell that lingers after cooking it. Everything went wrong when I read the instructions, apparently the pack would inflate and then ‘our special release valve will open’. I studied the packet but could find no evidence of any such special valve, where was it hidden? how did it work? Now those that know me will readily picture me sat in front of the microwave as if it was a cinema screen, I wasn’t missing this. As my potatoes boiled over I watched the packet inflate and knew it would be soon. There was, of course, no special vent the seam simply gave way and released the steam, I watched until the end but that was it, just a weakened seam.

To most people who would be the end of the issue but I was devastated. I had several theories as to how this complex steam release valve would work and none of them were correct, they had cheated me. I can genuinely say that my meal was not as enjoyable because I felt cheated by the delivery method, only an Engineer can eat a meal whilst distracted by the packet that it came in! I considered the options of purchasing more packets to see if this was a one-off or complaining that the packet was ‘not as described’ but, given the delivery driver experience, chose to sulk instead!

 

Rubber Band Hell

Having been told by Ben that we had to target upper body work next I concluded, in a testosterone fuelled moment, that I would start with press ups can anyone spot the flaw in this? well if you can please don’t shout the answer out and spoil it.

I moved to assume the standard position for press ups, but immediately realised that I would have to adapt because neither hand wants to sit at 90 degrees to the wrist. The left hand goes low enough to be stable but the right is worthless and so I balled it into what passes as a fist nowadays. I pushed my weight forward to allow my legs to stretch out and collapsed, not a fat man style ‘I give up’ collapse more of a ‘has no arms’ full frontal collapse, it was only the fact that I turned to see any physical evidence of the crack emanating from the right arm that saved me from breaking my nose!

I tried various methods of supporting the hands/wrists to enable me to exercise but with no success and so I am back to latex bands. Those of you that have had involvement with the world of physioterrorists will recognise the latex resistance bands that they are so fond of, those of you that have not had the pleasure would look at my flat and think that I had stripped a tall lady clad head to foot in multi coloured latex using a stanely knife*

And so it is that I write this while taking a break from stretching over sized rubber bands, my hands smell of latex and I am exercising at a rate that seems appropriate only for ten-year olds, seems so odd to have to restart at this level but hey at least I have time…

In other news healthy eating is not following the desired plan, you see yesterday I purchased wet fish thinking that this would form the basis of a good healthy meal. Unfortunately the superstore had no cod or haddock so I purchased river cobbler, I am not intimidated by different fish because I know that the markets are trying to move us away from the scarce resource of our natural choices. I had one fillet for dinner last night and shortly after eating thought that I should look up this fish, bad idea! Why is it that reading that something lives in effluent polluted rivers, is injected with hormones and generally shouldn’t be considered food is enough on its own to introduce a bad taste in your mouth? The other fish has been discarded and I shall pop out and source an alternative dinner this afternoon, bloody media!

*Other sharp knives are available