The need to crack on

Whilst I have bemoaned the silly season of New Year’s resolutions, and I stand by that rant, it does seem that there is something about the season. It’s OK I haven’t signed up to a diet plan or joined a gym, in fact I’ve made no change or commitment over those that I have had for some time. I do feel doubly frustrated at the stagnation of my life at the moment though and I can only put that down to the season.

I have one potential pub project that remains on the market without any apparent urgency to sell, I know the price and it’s always been kind of my reserve option. Over the weekend I have found myself becoming quite annoyed that I cannot take it off the market right now, January being a great time of year to crack a start on a seasonal venue. Some may say that this is fuelled in part by a desire to leave where I am at the moment and it is true that recent additions to the neighbourhood do make exit even more appealing but it is not just that. There is a floor plan on my PC that I used for the original business plan and it discounts the first floor for immediate trading, this is still the right thing to do. That floor plan has become the subject of much modification over the last few days as I seek to resolve two problems with the layout, or more accurately the commissioning of a kitchen within the current layout. The kitchen being at the rear of the first floor means that it blocks the rear door which is the preferred access to the small garden, the pub needs its own access to the rear for a smoking solution and to attract trade from that direction. There is also the matter of knocking through to internalise the access to the second floor residential, I hate lock up premises, which doesn’t suit the current arrangement.

I now have a plan for this side of the building that involves only one external alteration at the rear, since the building is not listed this should not present a difficulty. So I have a plan for something that is not intended to need doing until year 2 or 3 at the earliest. I also have plans to resolve the fact that the patio extends over the toilet roofs, the original one being a sign over the mirror in the ladies with an arrow pointing up and the legend “Shhh they can hear you”. Obviously my business plan already sets out a trading style and on reflection I think a 4 week shut down will benefit the venue by setting a break point between current trading and the future. This is the passion of the trade that drives me with every opportunity, I sit sketching and drafting plans and then walk to work thinking through options.

I’m not sure if was looking over the files at the weekend or January blues, whatever they are, but I find myself horribly frustrated that I cannot call my agent and proceed today. I know where the venue is and where I need it to be and its annoying not being able to make progress on that path. Like I said it’s not a new commitment, it’s not a resolution it’s just a sore reminder that the slow and painful machinations of the system are still holding me back, lets hope I’m not saying the same thing next January.

To those that follow the other project don’t worry Rahel is currently in the pub, her one not mine, and you will see an update soon.

 

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The practicalities of ice cream murderers and fizzy giraffes

I have written before on the subject of dreams or, more specifically, my lack of them. Quite simply I don’t ever recall dreams. The emphasis here is on the word ‘ever’ I don’t mean ‘rarely’ or ‘not often’ I mean never. When you explain to me that you dreamt that a leopard made of ice cream dressed in your wife’s stockings was chasing you through a lemon flavoured fog I presume that you’re mad. As a reasoned adult I can think of no other explanation except that you are insane. Frankly you must be madder than a whole box of frogs to have these experiences. 

The odd thing is that people are so confident in their delusional ramblings that they share them! What is the matter with you, are you hankering for full board in the local asylum? I do have to concede though that there are a lot of you around. Most weeks somebody will make mention of a dream and, let’s be honest, they are rarely normal. My conclusion, the logical conclusion, is that I am surrounded by lunatics. Everywhere I look there are mad people whose minds are filled with giant, car driving hamsters and candy floss that attacks you in your sleep. 

If it wasn’t bad enough being the sole sane person in a world full of fruitcakes you tell me that I am wrong. A conversation with a friend who was a psychology student revealed that not dreaming is a mental illness. Apparently not dreaming means that we don’t process subconscious thoughts and that is a key indicator for psychosis. Whilst I am dubious that anyone that dreams of cats that have their mother’s face and cook dinner is in a position to judge it is the accepted position. 

Because I’ve never been able to process the desire to fly, to eat the sun or to conduct an orchestra wearing nothing more than a clown’s nose I am at a disadvantage in the world. Or so the lunatics would have me believe. I understand that this works because dreams are our exploration of alternatives. As an example, when you dream that the television tastes like roast beef you are exploring the idea. Having explored the idea you discount it whereas I still think that the television may be flavoursome. Be that as it may I have never felt the need to chew a Sony. At the extremes are when you have a bad day and you dream of coming into the office and shooting everybody, that is actually meant to be healthy. The theory has it that you have explored that option and realise that it won’t work I, on the other hand, remain unconvinced. Apparently those people that fall off the deep end and slaughter their colleagues are normally not dreamers. Worth thinking about when you see me sitting quietly in the office. 

I read something recently that prompted this post. I didn’t really want to write a post that gave the impression that I was quietly waiting to slaughter the madmen that surround me since that could have been misunderstood. The article looked at the reasons why people don’t dream and there were several. The most common is not entering rapid eye movement (REM) sleep; this is a reflection of poor quality sleep. People who work erratic and long shifts commonly find that they don’t recall dreams until 3 or 4 days into a vacation which is when they have repaid their sleep deficit.   

Alcohol, nicotine and prescription drugs can, of course, alter sleep patterns such that you don’t recall dreams. But there was one that stuck out to me and that was simple logic. The theory goes that whilst we all dream some of us don’t waste our resources remembering them. So after the 8ft chocolate bar chases me around the racetrack riding a carrot I have an extra stage. Whilst you file it for later use I consider the benefit and discard the experience. I simply review the madness of a dream at a subconscious level and since I cannot find a use for the knowledge that cats aren’t made of custard I don’t bother saving it.

In conclusion I was correct all along, you, the dreamers, are bonkers. My theory was slightly off though since I thought that the process of dreaming was the mad part when in fact it is not. The madness comes when you review the world around you and think “hmmm I really should file the fact that an apricot can eat a 20ft long snake because one day that will be usefull”. When the zombies come* you may want to be on my team because while you have been wasting you’re time with fizzy giraffes I have a plan……

 

*For clues as to zombies iminent arrival please see other posts