Firstly to follow on from my earlier post here are some examples of ‘just past time’ reasoning. I share this for two reasons; firstly you can smile when you realise that you have used ‘that one’ and secondly so that you realise that the sober one behind the bar knows what is happening:
- Hearing failure – You may have called last orders or even time but they were outside/in the toilet/on the phone/talking and so they missed it. Here is the thing it is your responsibility to keep an eye on the time and ensure that your orders are made in a timely manner, if you didn’t hear us or see the associated rush to the bar or change in lighting levels then that’s tough.
- Volume disparity – Your mates have full drinks and you don’t so could you just have one to drink while you wait for them? This is invariably coupled with assurances of discretion such that nobody will know that they had another drink. At this point we are already eyeing your friends drinks and wondering how quickly we can get them done plus we know that when you get one they will all want one. It has been a long night and we are not going to let you make it longer.
- Taxi –The taxi, which you have just decided to call, is going to be another half an hour so can you have a drink while you wait? Just like the whole lost orders scenario some small level of planning is required from you with regards to onward transportation, if you have failed in this aspect then the issues is all of your own making. You are, of course, welcome to sit on the pavement and await your belated chariot.
- I am a friend of the governor – He always lets me have a sneaky one. No he doesn’t and, further, as a landlord he has no friends, jog on.
- I have been trying to get them down here all night – A favourite of the late arriving crowd and often coupled with exaggerated claims of distance travelled. We will tolerate this one if you can show us physical evidence of your tussle with a crocodile or wild bear en route otherwise no dice. What actually happened is that you were passing and saw the lights on so thought that you would chance your arm, consider it chanced and good night.
- They all have a drink – Another favourite of the late arrival. You are correct that they all have a drink, we are very much aware of that and are eagerly watching every mouthful disappear, however they purchased their beverage during the course of our trading night. We accept that we have to wait for people to finish their drinks and go home, that is what we do, we are not so keen on adding to the numbers.
There are many, many more and I will come back to this list in due course but that can be your starter for ten.