Sometimes I wonder whether the I Pod takes something away from travelling, this morning before I had unwrapped the little lead that takes me to my own happy world was one of those moments. There is an elderly lady that travels on this train who seems to have spent her life breathing helium so every word is a shrill squeak, thinking about it this may be some reaction to salt air because there is a similarly afflicted gentlemen engaging in Karoake in the town but that’s for another day. This morning the elderly squeak was consumed by the subject of the upcoming budget and the state of the economy, her travelling companion made it very clear that she thought the subject was rubbish after all ‘if you have money today it will be money tomorrow so you can still pay bills’* Ms Squeak clearly was not going to be outdone so she brought out the following pearl:
“I read in the newspaper this morning that they are changing the level of money where you have to pay for your own care, of course I don’t know if I got it right because I don’t read newspapers”
I was instantly reminded of a joke from the weekend:
Wife watching a documentary on alzheimer’s turns to husband and says “If I ever get like that shoot me please dear”
As the husband snaps the shotgun closed he whispers “that’s the second time you’ve said that in 5 minutes honey”
On second thoughts a morning of music seemed a sensible and reasoned choice.
Todays words that you don’t want to hear on a Monday come courtesy of Neil, my CSC tech, whenever you hear ‘that’s a bloody strange issue’ you know its bad. On the plus side his support team have sent me a new machine so if anyone wants to cover up a criminal act I have several different samples amounting to multiple different DNA strands. Aside from the fact that I remain astonished that laptops are not cleaned before dispatch I am thinking that if we dumped one of these at a crime scene it would make NCIS seem easy, seriously how would they cope when the victims laptop had bodily fluids from three people?
*Note that this is a house to Rob, the cash will definitely be under the bed!
A problem with my laptop led me to call CSC yesterday, you may recall the name from such headlines as ‘CSC loses NHS contract’ or ‘CSC dropped by Ford’ but hey nobody can be successful all of the time. CSC know me by the number that they assign to my laptop and numbers are fairly easy to get through language barriers but for some reason they insist on using my name. So we start with an automated voice saying ‘if you require assistance in another language press the star key now’, I’ve tried pressing this in the past and asking for English but it didn’t change inevitable result.
– ‘Hello thank you for calling CSC can I have your last name please?’
– young Y-O-U-N-G
– ‘yuong’ and your first name please?’
– no its Y-O-U-N-G
– ‘hello Mr yuong young, I’m sorry but I cannot find you on the system’
I won’t continue as I am sure that most of you understand the frustration of call centres, we eventually got my name correct and having confirmed that I had restarted my laptop we raised a ticket. At the stage of raising a ticket I had to provide my asset number, this took 3 attempts despite what I thought was clear enunciation of the 6 digits. Apparently my account had been disabled and needed a managers approval to reinstate, I had to question this as it had worked only an hour previously but the guy was adamant. Luckily he assisted by telling me who my manager was, not someone that has ever been my manager ‘who is your new manager?’ ‘I don’t have a new manager but that person has never been my manager’ after a good rant my call centre buddy acknowledged that he had pressed ‘page Down’ and was looking at the wrong person!
This morning brought heartening news on the television, they have identified a means of improving the symptoms of Parkinson’s disease, great news. But hang on Ms Nature wouldn’t let her dark humour escape such a thing would she? Oh no of course not, the improvement is obtained by . . . . dancing. So we take people that are losing control of their motor functions and put them in ballet lessons because it appears to improve the affects, really? That is like saying that we have found that a good way of getting over ghost limb syndrome for double amputees is to make them walk!
These poor people struggle to achieve the basic movements that we take for granted whoever considered giving them ballet lessons? When they showed the class on the television it looked like Swan Lake performed by the damned. It occurred to me that there are two reasons for this scenario, either its an inadvertent consequence of some cruel act by carers or, and I think this more likely, it is another example of the spiteful cruelty we have come to expect of Ms Nature.
On a happy note I must say that I am looking forward to work tomorrow, my CSC colleagues should spend most of the morning trying to understand whatever has gone wrong with my laptop which is always entertaining. In addition we apparently have 6 dolls arriving, admittedly they are only bodies as they are resuscitation training aids but the guy they are coming for is not back until Friday which should give us enough time to dress them up appropriately and perhaps arrange for a dolls tea party in one of the meeting rooms.