I have to share some of what makes Walton what it is, strangely its also what makes the Isle what it is. Patrick visited the Pub yesterday on the return from dog walking, I know he was dog walking because he was wearing the leopard print wellington boots he reserves for the task. Some ten minutes after he arrived we all heard a phone ring and Patrick agreed it was probably his, he took it out of is pocket and concluded he couldn’t answer it because he ‘didn’t have his glasses’. Only someone like the very local Patrick could seriously consider having no glasses a reason not to answer the phone, especially when he claimed to know who it was going to be.
The incredulous looks led him to have a change of heart and he tried to answer the call, it took some effort to explain the principle of ringing and specifically the fact that when the noise stops the opportunity to answer has been lost! Pat decided to return the call, if he had credit and at this point I realised that 4 adults were watching him with avid interest, Andrew you don’t need Sky.
In case anyone thinks this is a one off let me assure you it is not. This morning I was greeted at Kirby by a picture perfect example of why English tourists get mugged. A gentlemen boarded the train with his partner, between them I guess they could have made a double digit IQ, both resplendent with huge roll around suitcases. These were new suitcases which in fairness every suitcase was once but in this instance brand new as if they had been purchased for the purpose of this trip. Now when you purchase a suitcase, or any other object for that matter, part of the task is to unwrap and remove the labels, oh no not for our pioneering adventurers its not. Every label and the sticky plastic remained in place, they had simply cut around the joint* to allow them to pack.
I understand keeping instructions for complex items, although I personally would never read them, but for a suitcase! Were they really that ‘special’ that they envisaged getting to their destination and being unable to get anything out of the suitcase? The complex relationship between hinge and clasp overcoming them as the krypton factor case refused to relinquish its contents, I guess its better to look a plumb than it is to go a fortnight in the same shirt. Sadly I think the truth was that this was simple, if misplaced, pride the sticky plastic remained for protection and I don’t doubt the instructions advised how to clean correctly. So off my naïve travelling companions head, dreams of a sunny waterside hotel, and a bottle of finest suitcase polish to buff their new possessions to a deep lustre. The truth, which most people that live in the real world know, is that the precious suitcase is about to be gang raped by baggage ‘handlers’ at the airport. The plastic film will not protect it from the failed catch of the staff or when its kicked into a gap that is too small in the hold, if they listen carefully they may hear the plastic tears from the hold as they watch the in flight movie.
I only hope that the destructive force of the handlers degrades their luggage sufficiently to stop them standing outside a foreign airport with shiny suitcases acting as the international sign for ‘mug me’. Either way I think that this trip is going to be one of those experiences that doesn’t leave them for some time
*Yes I checked