Once again I assure you all that normal service will be resumed soon….
I am extremely lucky to have met some wonderful human beings in my life. I have adopted my own ‘sister’ and have friends who demonstrate that it’s not all about family. I have great friends who look out for the mess of a human that I am and they do it tirelessly despite the lack of any reward.
I am far from normal and very hard to understand, hell I haven’t much of a clue how I work and I have been me for 45 years! Whilst nobody understands me I have friends that accept my own level of insanity. These amazing people realise that 130 hr weeks are normal for me but question me when I ‘overdo’ it. They send me food parcels when they realise that I may not have eaten for a couple of weeks which is just a little longer than normal.
Unfortunately I have never been able to translate this into my love life. I have met, and slept with, some of the lowest forms of life out there. I have actually risked my life for people who I shouldn’t ever have acknowledged in the first place. Most importantly I have created two wonderful people with something that should have either been put down or sterilised. I remain immensely sorry for the mother that I , unwittingly, inflicted on my children and only hope that they can both realise this and accept an old man’s apology.
For those who wonder on my single status let me share the meaning of the tattoo on my right hip. That tattoo simply says ‘played 14-07-07’, the date is far later than it should be but it was intended to match the ‘player’ tattoo on one of my more dangerous ‘liaisons’. Should you be somebody who is privileged to see this tattoo, it is shown rarely, please don’t think that you can add the end date or that you can be the one that ends the game. It doesn’t matter who or what you are, I have been played by the best and for the worst of all stakes so you are not good enough to end this.
Make no mistake I am not ‘damaged’ I am not ‘troubled’ I am not a basket case who can be rescued, I am not waiting for the right woman to save me. I am broken, not chipped, not worn I am shattered, destroyed and, quite simply, toxic. As an Engineer I am, above all , logical and 45 years tells me a story that can’t be changed. Don’t ever think you can save me because there is nothing to save and for you there is everything to lose. Some dark souls can’t be saved and are better left to wander….
