I often wonder how to share what the Plough means with you guys without incriminating or embarrassing people, today’s idea is to just share some of what I have heard.
It’s been a busy day today and a broad range of people. If you ever think that your home is like a pub because so many people pass through it then read this as a test, if you have heard all of these today then the chances are you owe me rent!
“I had sex in your bedroom and your lounge” Yes that happens in pubs, peoples reminiscing can get real uncomfortable and it happens a lot.
“Take his money and hide it until he goes home” normally this would be frowned upon to say the least but when you are protecting an over generous drunk and he takes his winnings home its considered OK.
“The toilets smell the same” only girls reminisce about the smell in the toilets, for guys they all smell the same.
“My drink is upside down now” a rather delightfully complicated way of explaining the puddle on the floor and works best with a child like sadness.
“He won every round of rock, paper, scissors but I told him he lost” yes that is really what adults do in pubs.
“Somebody set fire to my inside bits” chilli vodka, the gift that keeps on giving.
“Shit the dog ate my hat” It’s a pub and hey stuff happens.
“I wasn’t being sick I was taking time out” yep that’s the chilli vodka again.
“I had sex on your pool table” Hey its a pub, stuff happens and yes I changed the table when I arrived.
“I can’t drink a whole pint I will just have two halves” I just head every bar man in the country groan.
“Hello mate, hello darling (insert pause while lady goes to toilet) wow what happened to her” We tend to lose subtlety in the pub.
“We need £12 to get him killed” whilst counting change for the next drink…..
I will consider this post in the morning and it may be the way forward. For now let it suffice for me to say that eclectic is a strong word but it goes nowhere near describing the wonderful insanity that is the Plough.