I read today that the combined might of the US and UK government may have cracked the encryption that we all rely on for internet security. The story goes on to tell us that this is the final part of a program to bully and coerce access from commercial providers. In short this cracks the ones that wouldn’t tell. Obviously this has been met by outrage from the liberals shouting “big brother” and advocating a return to carrier pigeons but I think that they have missed the point. There were a couple of areas listed where this particular encryption was prominent and the first was banking. Before you start stuffing cash under your mattress stop and think, do the government care? There is no need for them to hack into your online bank account, they already know what you earn and how precious little they allow you to keep. The government has known this since the Romans, they don’t need high-tech hackers just the HMRC.
The second area noted was Facebook and this shows that the country is run by morons. For the protection of our safety and security they have spent billions finding a way into Facebook so that they can see what we are saying. I can imagine the scene in GCHQ when they first cracked it and realised that it was a ‘like’ button not a ‘bomb’ button! Do they really think that the terrorists are all on Facebook explaining their wicked schemes whilst sharing pictures of their dinner? Have they ever logged on to Facebook? Perhaps the theory is that Osama wasn’t rallying against the west but his ire was in fact directed at Candy Crush invites. I still struggle with the idea that this one beardy weirdy controlled a huge network of terrorists using electronic communication. Did you see where they found him? Unless the Taliban equivalent of James Bond’s M was a bloody genius that really was a basic hovel in a dust blown third world country. The last time I checked you couldn’t power the interweb from chicken feet and cow dung.
This is the general problem with governments you see, they are un by your dad. Think about it for a moment and you will realise that its true. Your dad doesn’t understand Facebook and is scared of the interweb right? the same is true of the halfwits running the country. Why do big corporations get away with paying no tax? because, like your dad, ministers think the big boys play it straight. This is why government websites are a joke, because the ten-year old geek comes up with a winner and then dad overrules him. The reason that the parliament appears to make decisions that are totally at odds with public opinion? dad knows best of course. As if to seal the deal I read news that the government are increasing aid to Syria today. Last week I heard the first decision from parliament in my living memory that seemed to reflect what people wanted, we were not going to go and start another war. The biggest reasons that people didn’t want a war were that the army is stretched (shhh it’s a secret), wherever we fight we get rewarded with immigrants and suicide bombers, we don’t holiday in Syria and well were kinda broke. So dad got voted down by the other dads who had been pestered by their ‘kids’. But then, in true dad style, he came back and did exactly what we didn’t want another way. Anyway I am off to delete all the pictures of my dinner off Facebook before the government find out what I eat!