I have to write this post even though I know the use of the term ‘electronic cigarette’ brings in more spam than a world war two dinner party. I don’t know if you have been to a mall lately but, if you have, you will have seen little stands selling e-cigarettes. When I was much younger I remember that Rothmans had similar stands giving away small packets (I believe it was 8) with a bottle opener. Such a thing today would have been unheard of, but at the time all one had to do was provide name, address and date of birth. For some time my kitchen was awash with bottle openers I can tell you, despite disliking the brand. I have posted before about e-cigarettes, which in my opinion are simply another tax scam. Think about it for a moment if you will, the tobacco industry raises huge tax revenues for the state but they spend a large amount on caring for smokers. If they can gain the tax without the health risks they get the same income with less expenditure which is great. There are problems with this model, not least because the ‘healthy’ smokers will live longer and god only knows how we can pay their pension alongside MP’s expenses and 30% pay rises. I believe that they already have plans and in years to come they will ‘discover’ hidden health affects.
But back to the story in hand, e-cigarette stalls in the mall. I had the opportunity to discuss wares with one such purveyor in the week and couldn’t resist the opportunity to test a theory. What follows is not verbatim but its pretty close:
Seller: Can I interest you in our electronic cigarettes?
Me: I am rather curious actually
Seller: Well sir these are top of the range, not like the things that you see in magazines. These are top quality and come in 20 flavours with this neat box and 3 vaporisers
Me: Is it like smoking?
Seller: Just as satisfying but so much smoother and more socially acceptable
Me: But I have never smoked (lie) and am worried about health risks
Seller: Oh there are no health risks with e-cigarettes
Me: That’s very reassuring, what benefit do I get from using them?
Seller: They are delicious and the vapour is smooth and relaxing
Me: Is it addictive?
Seller: Oh no, because there is no tobacco the nasty addictive things like tar and chemicals are not present
Me: So I could use on a night out say and then not again until the next weekend when I go out?
Seller: Absolutely sir, a lot of users are ‘social users’
Me: When did nicotine become non-addictive?
Seller: Sorry sir
Me: Well this is a nicotine vaporiser, nicotine was always considered an addictive chemical so when did that change?
Seller: I don’t think it has
Me: But you said this wasn’t addictive
Seller: It isn’t
Me: Both statements can’t be true
Seller: (wishing he had a cellar) Erm, do you want to try one?
Me: Are you trying to tempt me to use narcotics?
Seller: I have to use the toilet, I will be right back
He locked his stand and disappeared. My theory was proved, they are happy to encourage use of e-cigarettes even amongst non-smokers. I am sure that somewhere in Whitehall there sits a man calculating how soon he can cull the population with his e-cigarettes and the savings that this will achieve. Wait ten years when they announce that USB ports are the next asbestos!
Now I await the spam….