I have two choices on the way into work on Monday, a 35 minute wait for a 7 minute journey or an immediate connection for a 40 minute journey. This week the rain clouds suggested that I was better with the immediate connection since this does not involve a walk at the end. Delays meant that the journey took nearly an hour. Obviously it was delight to spend this at the back of Stratford’s
building site sorry, Olympic park whilst listening to the driver announce “we are being held at a red signal”. How is that information? Everyone knows that red signals mean stop, saying that you are obeying them does not add anything to our knowledge. Perhaps you could advise why the signal is red, what incident has resulted in you being stopped and thus disrupting our journey. If you stop the train for a red signal then you are doing exactly what we expect, we knew about the red light! Why don’t we hear good announcements? I want to hear “We are being delayed by a drunken bear chasing a cat” or “we are stopped here because I am hiding from the police and think I saw them” hell I would settle for “we are being delayed by a green signal, I know that means go but hey who wants to follow the crowd?”
The fate of the hotel gods was against me when I checked in on Monday and was upgraded to an executive room. As my hotel dwelling colleagues will know this brings the luxury of a free bottle of water and a whirlpool bath. To counter the positive I discovered, too late to do anything about it, that the mattress had a large loop of spring hanging out. I wish I didn’t have the water because then I wouldn’t have got up for a drink and caught my leg on the bloody man-trap! Seriously, how does something as soft and comfortable as a mattress cover such vicious pieces of steel. You could catch a bear with those springs. Of course the hotel exchanged the mattress during the day and I now have a comfortable bed, and am checking out in the morning due to a sudden change of plans.
Having shared those moments with you I would like to ask a question, inspired in part by my current read. What is it with women and shoes, yes I know that you love them and that they seem to call to you in the way that beer calls guys, but why? What bemuses me is that, having spent so long procuring footwear, you discard it at the first opportunity. Running? Walking home from the pub? dancing? Oh no sorry these shoes are just for sitting in, allow me to slip out of them and I am right there. As a man I spend a reasonable amount of time selecting cars but once I have brought one I drive it all the way home. I don’t abandon it at the bottom of the street because it is ‘not a parking car’ or ‘not for drives’. I appreciate that women are way more fashion conscious than men but why does this override any practicality when it comes to shoes? For Jo, I would just point out that this last paragraph is inspired solely by the wonderful “Dead Like You” from Peter James (sorry sis).