It would seem that Ms Nature has chosen to spend more time on project Gav recently, I am not sure that I appreciate her time. I have several restless nights sleep recently on account of my shoulder being more adamant than usual that its purpose is not supporting my body. I think that the shoulder has joined a trade union which would explain its stubborn refusal to perform the task that it is employed for. Thankfully righty has steered clear of its militant brother and I intend to keep them separated after all we all need at least one operational shoulder. Righty is driving me made with the insane itching, because the scar is quite thin the scratching is damaging the skin either side and making it all rather sore. Despite my best efforts to avoid scratching during the day it would seem that when I do manage to sleep I also scratch. I deduce this because I keep waking up with pillows stuck to my arm which, I can tell you, is rather disconcerting. It is a true mark of my luck that I gain an unresolvable itch shortly after beating a lifetime of nail-biting. At any other time in my life I would have been probing the itch with soft fingers but now I am armed with razor-sharp finger nails, why on earth don’t these things come with holsters?
I awoke early this morning, disentangled myself from pillows and surveyed the damage from the night whilst listening to the ocean. Deciding that tea was in order I arose from bed and promptly fell over. It would seem that the left shoulder has gained another member to the traitorous union, I should have guessed that the shoulder would still be recruiting. Despite several attempts it was clear that the left knee had effectively withdrawn its labour leaving me to hop around on the steadfast right knee. I will leave you to imagine the entertainment that occurs when the left side of your body goes on strike, neither my shoulder or my knee being prepared to lift my bodyweight. Having made my tea I considered how I should best approach the issues on the left side. I considered negotiation, albeit briefly, but I guess that Ms Nature is the shop steward and me and her, well I can’t see that ending well. I considered a day of rest but as a certain milk snatching tory taught us we cannot let them win and certainly this man is not for turning, except perhaps in an elaborate shuffle. Now I know some of you will be thinking up homeopathic restoratives and other such helpful suggestions, thank you but really there is no need.
The answer that I settled on, tried and tested for years, was stubborn ignorance. I am a firm believer in the power of brute force coupled with a healthy dose of ignorance after all. The shoulder protested in a quite distasteful cacophony of sounds but I persevered. The left wrist complained bitterly that it was carrying more than its fair share of work but I pushed on and the mornings exercises were completed. I have a feeling that my left arm is now slightly longer than when I started and the scar took to leaking part way through but I consider it a victory. A cup of coffee allowed my left side to consider this daring push at their picket line, whilst throwing wood on their brazier and listening to stirring speeches from Ms Nature no doubt. I realised that I could not let up the pressure now, I could not allow them to regroup or strengthen their position. I had to push on and break their resistance, exploiting the opening that I had made.
A four and a half mile stroll to the neighbouring town should be enough to beat the knee into submission surely. It was a fight, we both fought hard but let’s be clear, there was only going to be one winner. Ms Nature rallied her troops, itching was ratcheted up on both arms and even the shoulder started hurting but the only part that I needed to complete the walk was the knee. We battled for the first two miles, limping and occasionally stumbling as the treacherous body part rebelled. But I pushed through and the knee submitted to my will around the three-mile mark, thoroughly beaten it settled into a rhythm and we strolled the rest of the route. To anyone that saw me on the walk and to the girl in the drug store who watched me tear open the pain killers and dry swallow them, now you know. This wasn’t a mere walk it was a battle with the nefarious forces of Ms Nature a battle that I won.