I rush to you with news ‘hot off the press’ related to public safety. It would appear that the Food Standards Agency have identified a safety risk with some foodstuffs that could be fatal to the consumer. Whilst the ever watchful FSA has removed remaining product from the shelves they are warning anyone that may have purchased the product to be on their guard. The product in question is bags of Monkey Nuts, apparently they do not contain any warning that they may contain nuts! Please contact anyone that has a nut allergy and warn them before we have a health disaster on our hands.
I have checked nut allergy out using Dr Google and it makes no mention of it degrading your brain to the point that you are an imbecile, so I am a little confused. I get that the allergy can be very serious and that, for that reason, we have to label products that may contain or have been processed alongside the dreaded nut. But surely bags of nuts must contain nuts or it would be a matter for the Trading Standards Agency since it would clearly be false advertising. If I have a serious and life threatening allergy to nuts why would I go anywhere near them? Let alone purchase a bag of them? Who are these people that we are trying to protect? It would seem to me that this is natural selection, if your only means of identifying nuts is a warning label then I am sorry but maybe it is your time. The product is called Monkey Nuts, the contents are nuts so why do we need a warning that the bag may, and here’s a thought, actually contain nuts. Anybody that needs this level of warning is not safe in the world at large, they will get run over at the first crossing that does not have a sign saying ‘may contain moving vehicles’ .
When the zombies take over will you have to wear a sign if you have eaten nuts? In fact I wonder if the government has already produced labels to go on the inside of your front door that say ‘caution: caution there man be zombies out there’
In other news I received a valuable lesson in information filtering from Andrew today. Having been told last night that he was unable to move a washing machine from a flat because he couldn’t detach the pipes I told him I would be with him at 10 to sort it. Myself and Marc were debating that clearly they needed some mechanical expertise, after all worse case you just cut the pipes don’t you? Well Andrew took this all in his stride and off we set this morning to carry out the disconnection. Here was where I discovered the true facts. The supply to the washing machine hoses is derived from two gated valves, one of these had the handle sheared off. It also transpired that whilst the other one moves it does not actually fully close to shut off the supply. I must say that I am impressed that Andrew didn’t start laughing until we left the property, the washing machine remains where it was. Like a small child I have relearnt the lesson that the wise man gathers facts patiently before using his energy, cheers mate.