I have discovered the reason why men tend to obesity more than women and it’s not, contrary to popular belief, beer. I apologise to the slim young lady who sat across the carriage from me on Friday for applying such scrutiny but I assure you that it was in the interests of science. The young lady “Miss X” had brought a snack with her for the journey, sadly my discussion with the security guy had left me with insufficient time to do the same. The snack in question was a small pot of cherry tomatoes, although I don’t believe that the foodstuff is particularly relevant. Each of these small tomatoes was removed from the pot individually and consumed in two bites. Between bites the tomato was held whilst a contemplative chewing action dispatched the first part. This was a classic example of ‘lady like’ consumption although I am not sure if my own absence of snacks or increasing examples of ‘ladette’ culture drew me to this observation.
As you know I do not like to draw quick conclusions without supporting evidence, it just so happened that my Friday grocery shop included the same delightful fruits. I had purchased a package from the grocery store so had at least twice the amount of tomatoes. It occurred to me that this was the test of svelte vs mass, if I simply mimicked the young ladies action then I knew that I would give my body a chance to tell my brain it was full and thereby eliminate over consumption. I started by picking 3 tomatoes up and organising them to launch into my mouth, then I put them back and selected just one. I bit into my tomato and it exploded, showering me in juice, so I decided to start with one tomato at a time, any further sub-division clearly takes practice. No sooner than my hand had returned to my side my mouth was empty, as I reloaded I pondered the contemplative look on my travelling companion. Perhaps the trick was to fill my time with something else, multi task as it where. Friday is my decamp day from a week away so there is plenty to do, I left the tomatoes in the kitchen and every time I had reason to pass I ate a further, single, fruit.
Ok I wasn’t contemplating golden sands and world peace, in fact I wasn’t even chewing slowly, but I was extending the time between loading and therefore slowing the whole eating process. This protracted consummation is, I believe, key to the maintenance of a slim body. You only had to see Helen yesterday consuming one crisp thoughtfully every 5 minutes or so to confirm that there is a clear link between thoughtful, slow eating and mass. In the interest of friendship I won’t make Andrew/Helen comparisons. Now I won’t see a body mass change in one meal but there are several things that I learnt in this one simple experiment. It drove me insane, this is not multi tasking it is simply not being efficient why would you keep leaving the food source? In fact I would go so far as to say that this it is not possible for males to eat in this way.
Watch a man with a packet of crisps, his mission is to get to the point that you can declare the packet almost complete and then tip the remainder directly into his mouth. You have all seen the lingering adverts for eating luxury chocolate, it’s never a man in those ads because we smash it down as quickly as possible. Take any couple where the female is slim and I guarantee you that no matter how high she loads his plate he finishes before her. It is not that men are glutinous, not that we are greedy, simply that we eat efficiently. A well crafted plate of food presents a challenge of efficiency in the same way as a building site, we plan the quickest path to complete the goal. So when you’re considering that your man pays no attention to your hard work in the kitchen remember we are bred to smash high calorie food down in quick sittings in an industrial world. I can remember working on sites in the good old days, where washing your hands was something other people did, you learnt to take big bites because the quicker it got down your throat the less grubby finger prints it had on it. Put your food down between mouthfuls, have you ever been on a night-shift in the middle of nowhere? Putting your food down is an open invitation, close proximity to food will elicit guttural sounds normally reserved for animals.
So it is not our fault that we struggle to keep our mass under control, the modern world is full of foods that have compacted high calories into small servings and we are a machine designed to consume mass at its most efficient. It’s not our fault it’s that tricky Ms Nature!