Thanks to Barbie for restarting this thread in my mind. There is much said about the inability of men and women to get along, the complications summed up in that old line ‘men are from Mars, women are form Venus’ I think this actually over simplifies the issue. Of course men and women are different, both physically and in their approach to life but both sexes have the same fundamental objective in relationships and that is to procreate. I know that you don’t have to have children to have a relationship and many couples have no desire to have children but the reason that the sexes are drawn together is a deep programmed desire to further the human race.
So if we both have the same basic instincts why are relationships so difficult? I think the answer lies in synchronisation or rather the lack of it. All people go through a series of stages, there is the point when relationship is just a word used to garner sex, there is the point where a partner is needed to help develop and support, the point where you can offer support and when you need a family unit to name but a few. The issue that we have is that these stages don’t follow a timetable, they don’t even follow a fixed order, and this means that we meet at incompatible stages.
So when a guy who is looking for no strings sex meets a girl who is looking for emotional support it won’t work, it’s not that one is right and one is wrong just that they are out of synch. I guess a good analogy would be the painter arriving before the plasterer had finished, you still need a painter but its the wrong time. Its obviously much simpler in the analogy because building a house follows a set pattern and we can plan when the appropriate resource will be on site, humans are not so easy as there is no external indication of what they want, often they don’t know themselves.
It’s a vicious cycle once commenced because we don’t understand it, so your first out of synch experience results in you berating your partners sex and the more of these experiences that you have the more you ‘learn’ that all men/all women are the same. The world would be a much better place if we all acknowledged that he/she wasn’t a bad person or nasty they were just not in the same relationship stage as we were, instead of ‘she was so needy’ we should be saying ‘she was a painter and I’m still plastering’ *.
Think about it, the lovely girl you know whose partner doesn’t support her enough will once have been pushing a man through the door for being too serious but her requirements have changed. The fella you know that wishes his partner would settle down and stop partying so much had previously left broken hearts with ‘I don’t want anything serious’ ringing in their ears. That perfect couple in their seventies that were childhood sweethearts, that wasn’t hard work or special love it was luck they were in synch and had the same requirements when they met.
I was going to end this post with a suggestion that if the mighty sour apple corporation really wanted to change out lives then they could work out how to synchronise us, but a couple of hours with iTunes tells me I’d rather they didn’t try.
*I acknowledge that the analogy may have to change before we hit the ‘painters in’ jokes, I will work on a new one before we all adopt this new terminology