I watched a fantastic documentary about dogs last night that looked at why they are such a good partner to humans and also at their special skills. Now I am not sure if,in this world of human rights, dogs have a trade union but if they do they need to watch this show.
We discovered that apparently all dogs can detect cancer by smell, we just haven’t told them we are interested. As interesting as this fact is it is going to make me nervous everytime a dog sniffs at me. When we are children we are taught that dogs sniffing is there way of saying hello, I like that and its very non threatening, but now your telling me they are a 4 legged CAT scan*. Everytime a dog sniffs me now I will be wondering what Dr Fido has detected.
I can also see a future, in a few years, where your getting phone calls and text messages from claim firms ‘have you been misdiagnosed by a dog? Given the wrong advice or none at all? Let us handle your medical negligence claim, no win no fee’. Or will dogs sue vets for mental cruelty? ‘he said it was worms but I smelt cancer’.
This also taught me that cancer apparently gives off Volatile Organic Compounds, that means that cancer must be banned by Europe the same as decent paint and glue which were banned for VOCs
We were brought up with Lassie who we thought was super intelligent, I am sure we wouldn’t have been as appreciative if we known she was a doctor, ‘what’s that Lassie? Mrs Jones is pregnant and its not Mr Jones baby?’. In fact when they all chased down to the old well to rescue little Jimmy all Lassie was trying to do was tell his mum to give up smoking and take more excercise.
For generations we have been amused by dogs greeting each other by sniffing each others buts, well the jokes on us they actually have the most developed medical review system on earth. I don’t like this, I invite this cute, daft animal into my home and it transpires that he is actually a 4 legged Stephen Hawkins. I’m serious, they can read our moods and our facial expressions, they can navigate for the blind and detect bombs and drugs, in short they are the master race.
Hitler had it all wrong, its the dogs that are the problem, for generations we have brought them into our homes and cared for them but they have been laughing at us. Not only have they learnt to understand us but they have developed their defences, we can’t bomb them or poison them because they can detect both, we can’t even hide because they know how to navigate.
It may not be too late, maybe we can train the cats into a lean, mean fighting force to defeat the super intelligent dogs. I’m not sure though, years of being looked down upon as stupid and forced to live with mad women means they may not want to help us. We need something to bring them back on side, the future may not be decided by nukes but by catnip.
*How’s that for irony?
