I attended my physioterrorist session today with some trepidation, should I come clean about my somewhat less than careful upper body work or stay quiet? Having spent my obligatory ten minutes in the waiting room playing ‘what’s wrong with you’ * I was greeted by Ben as he scanned the room for Deborah Young, when we sorted the administrative sex change all was good and off we went.
Some discussion about progress was followed by Ben sitting back as he choreographed my arm and hand movements ** and observed. A look of wonderment came over him as he explained that I was quite amazing as he had never seen such horrific injuries.
“Have you seen the X-rays then?”
“Jesus yes they are amazing”
“It’s not that bad”
“its amazing you’re using them at all”
Having played the game of back slapping the invalid we discussed the planned upper body work and how the exercising since last visit had progressed, it was at this point that I sensed my window of opportunity. I casually threw in a ‘oh the press ups are coming along well’ I received a laugh which spurred me on and I launched into the story of how during the first press up it was only noise from my right wrist that stopped me breaking my nose when both arms collapsed.
Oh I was on a roll now ice broken we could laugh at my mishaps but no I looked up to see that all the colour had drained from his face “your serious?” apparently its a very bad idea! Well I knew it wasn’t a bloody good one didn’t I? seemed a fair response. We did a couple of rounds of “you’re doing press ups? have YOU seen the X-rays? Oh Jesus what would you do that for?” which I weathered with my normal grin and the good old standby of “I didn’t get where I am today by listening to good advice”
Full review of my movement was interesting, I have improved, and quite a bit at that, including the stubborn right wrist which now bends up further and, most importantly, meets a soft and not a hard stop. Now the hard stop we all believed to be the errant screws but (its great that Ben is a trained clanky) the screws can only extend into the first carpal row so my 12.5 stone is forcing the next row to adapt to the situation, we have a winner! Despite my best attempts I could not encourage the elderly ladies and gents in physio this afternoon to follow my new improved press up recovery plan, they remained content threading macaroni onto string.
Ben has agreed that the results are good but continues to disagree that press ups are good but we both know that its results that I need not advice, after all if I were to practice threading macaroni onto string how would that help me when Mr(s) Smith*** attacks me in a dark alley? I can hardly fend her off with a nice pasta garland!
*A game that anyone that has spent time in an A&E department will recognise
**Because I work in a railway depot I cannot bring myself to say wrist movements for fear of uncontrolled mirth
***My long running nemisis thanks to Anita