It’s a plot, it must be and I think that Mr(s) Smith may be to blame. You see I lost my TV box, then my router which was clearly an attempt to limit my communication with the outside world. I know it sounds paranoid but really, when I found my old router why did it chose not to perform? Snow on the line? Cold weather shut down? No I think the intermittent connection is deliberate, they are after me and its all Anita’s fault for telling me about Dr Evil and his boat!
To make it worse they are trying to mess with my head, we had the rice on Friday and then today I went to empty the vacuum cleaner, positioned the bin over the bag and pulled the release, nothing, tapped it and still nothing. So I did the obvious thing and removed it from the bag to inspect it at which point it emptied over the floor! If I disappear you know who to look for, the cross-dresser on the 14:30 from Liverpool Street, avenge me!