Part two of the story of a working person trying to use couriers is my starter for today. Having dealt with two human beings existing in the aftermath of ‘call centre rationalisation’ I was waiting for the next failure in a system clearly not intended to be convenient. I checked my tracking number eagerly this morning and learnt that my parcel had arrived at the depot at 01:56 but that was it. Surely it should say “out for delivery”? Some research revealed that all parcels arriving over Friday/Saturday are listed as “loaded for delivery” regardless of whether they are actually due to go out on the Saturday or the Monday. This was obviously no help at all and left me pondering if something had happened to the fugitive humans, had they risk exposure too much and been captured?
I called the depot when they opened and enquired as to the status of the parcel. Having given the tracking number I was asked various security questions, which made me suspicious that I was talking to a call centre automaton and not a member of the resistance. I gave up the security information without any delay and hope that I gave no indication of my surprise. “Oh that’s not coming out today” ”but I’d requested it yesterday and arranged to pay the fee” at this point it all went downhill, had I said too much? “You paid the fee?” “Well no, I’d arranged to pay the fee on Monday” I could sense her incredulity in the silent pause whilst she doubtless sent the call centre police to sweep the building for the resistance.
Worrying that I had exposed the rare human beings that operate under the very noses of the call centre machines I quickly covered “Oh OK can I arrange for it to come out next Saturday?” but this was true call centre scripting “Oh no we can’t interfere with a package in transit” resisting the urge to scream at her that if she hadn’t interfered my parcel would be coming out today I explained my predicament. After some negotiation I agreed a settlement, the parcel would come out three times in the week but she would tell the driver that I wasn’t home and then tell him to add it to Saturday on Friday. I won’t even go into the arguments about taking my parcel for trips across the UK for no reason, there are beardy weirdys for that, but surely it’s not profitable?
I am thinking of opening a book on the options; parcel returned to sender, parcel out on Saturday but not delivered because driver ‘knew’ I wasn’t in, parcel eaten by alien call centre rats. In the meantime I hope that the resistance survive any attempts to find them and remain a rare ray of light in the rationalised call centre world, they may be no help whatsoever but hey they talk a good job.